Student Assembly No Picnic for Teachers

There was no holding back on the pickles or the lettuce at Beckford Avenue Elementary School on Friday. The catsup and mustard flowed pretty freely, too, as a pair of teachers became human hamburger for the day.

Because Beckford students reached their $15,000 goal in a PTA-sponsored candy drive, two faculty members volunteered to be the main ingredients at a special assembly honoring top candy sellers.

Clad in plastic coveralls, ponchos and goggles, kindergarten teacher Cathy Cybulski and first-grade teacher Denise Green began their ordeal by reclining on a bed of catsup-soaked hamburger buns that had been spread across a gigantic paper plate on stage in the school’s auditorium.

Then, exhorted by emcee Steve Scheper, whose three children attend Beckford Avenue, the 36 “honorary cheeseburger makers” set to work.

At first, the chili was only ladled onto the squirming teachers, but shouts of “throw the whole bucket on them” brought the desired results. That was followed by slices of American cheese tossed like little Frisbees, a hail of tomato wedges and lettuce, then barbecue sauce, bacon bits, sour cream, bean sprouts, mayonnaise, pickle slices and sauerkraut, all interspersed with endless streams of mustard and catsup and topped off with soda, chips and potato salad.

An encore was provided by Cybulski and Green themselves, who began by throwing food at each other and concluded with a brief round of what could best be described as condiment wrestling.

As the near-pandemonium died down and Beckford’s 420 students prepared to return to class, kindergartner Danielle Martinez surveyed the mess she had just helped to make.

“It’s silly,” she giggled.

Beckford Principal Patricia Cox said money raised by the candy drive will be used to fund field trips and other special events at the school.