Hi, my name is Bob and I...

Hi, my name is Bob and I used to be your waiter:

Sydney Lipovsky took a table on the patio of a downtown restaurant a few blocks from the Mark Taper Forum and noticed that almost none of the other diners had been served.

“Then out of nowhere,” Lipovsky continued, “my waiter--the same waiter for all the patio tables--asks for everyone’s attention. He clinks a glass like he is going to make a toast and tells everyone how the management is exploiting the staff. The hostess rushes outside and starts to push him and he says, ‘I quit.’

“Everyone looks around and is discussing how bizarre and L.A.-ish the whole thing is and they they all realize their orders haven’t been placed and they will be late for the theater.”

But disaster was averted. In the best traditions of Hollywood, the understudy rose to the occasion.

“The busboy,” Lipovsky said, “picked up the slack as if nothing had happened.”

A MARQUEE THAT DIDN’T MAKE THE GRADE: We doubt that very many of the teachers at Taft High in Woodland Hills appreciated the spelling on the school’s sign, which was snapped by Barbara Joan Grubman (see photo).

DUELING SIGNS: Jacque Petterson of Sylmar found a yard sale that figured to attract only the most intrepid of bargainers (see photo). Imagine having to haggle--just to gain admission.

NAME GAME: “Although my name doesn’t rhyme with my occupation, it still does make an interesting combination,” writes Jacqueline Penn of Montclair. “See, I’m a bank teller. For a while, my business cards said ‘Jacqueline Penn--Teller.’ ”

As a fan of the magic act of Penn and Teller, she adds, she found the business cards very funny.

Needless to say, she doesn’t have a disappearing act that involves money.

SHE STILL HAS HER DIGNITY: Ruth Smith reports that as she was driving through Pasadena the other night, “I was shocked and dismayed to see that a Grand Ole Dame of retailing has lost her luster and is now called THE BROAD. Either that, or part of the neon sign for the store at Plaza Pasadena was malfunctioning.”

PORTRAIT OF A COMMUTER: We overheard a woman in a Long Beach coffee shop order a cup of java to go--then ask that it be insulated inside two additional empty cups.

“I have to hold it while I drive,” she explained.

Funny, but we don’t remember a section of the Motor Vehicle Code that requires one to hold a cup of coffee while driving. Doesn’t the woman realize how unsafe this practice is? For one thing, what would she do if she got a call on her cellular phone?

SITUATION NORMAL. . . . The American flag was hung upside-down in front of City Hall on Thursday. That, you may recall, is the international distress signal.

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When he noticed that a ship named Venture brings the T. rex to San Diego in “The Lost World” (with catastrophic results), Carlo Panno thought there was something familiar about the scene. He checked, and sure enough, that was also the name of the ship that brought the big monkey to America in the movie “King Kong.” Geez, if we had a monster, we’d switch to a different shipping line.

Steve Harvey can be contacted by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.