Punch Lines
* Tick-Tock Talk: Men’s watches are a big gift item this year. One of the new ones is the Polar Solar, powered entirely by sunlight. “George Hamilton got one, tried it for a week. It blew up.” (Steve Voldseth)
* Hoop Dreams: A report says the odds are 2,300 to 1 that a high school athlete could make it to the NBA. “More significantly, the odds are 10,000 to 1 that an NBA athlete could make it through high school.” (Alan Ray)
* Bless the Obese and the Children: Worried about a trend toward weight gain in children, U.S. endocrinologists are studying the mechanisms of obesity. “Those mechanisms include: the remote control, the computer game, the microwave oven.” (Jenny Church)
* I’m Dreaming of a White House Xmas: The First Family is preparing for Christmas. “Hillary’s favorite holiday activity is decorating the White House. Chelsea’s is putting up the tree. Bill’s is taking down the stockings.” (Voldseth)
* Back to Basics: A new study says half of American adults have trouble with such common tasks as reading a newspaper, filling out a job application or balancing a checkbook. “However, three-fourths can correctly sing the theme to ‘Gilligan’s Island.’ ” (Zack Taylor)
* Musical Houses: The Auto Club predicts that 44 million Americans will travel at least 100 miles from home this Christmas. “You might be wondering how Santa keeps track of all that. He has his own version of Lojack on our cars.” (Daily Scoop)
* An Apparition a Day Keeps the Doctor Away: A poll says 94% of HMO executives believe spirituality can help cure illness. “They’ll try anything that doesn’t involve a referral to a specialist.” (Daily Scoop)
* Millennial Madness: The government is holding a contest to design a logo for the millennium. “Let’s see. If the millennium marks the 2,000th anniversary of the birth of Jesus, maybe the logo should be, oh, a cross?!?” (Daily Scoop)
* Boy Wonder: Hollywood execs are talking about reviving the TV series “Wonder Woman.” For the lead role, they’re looking for someone who is athletic, has a recognizable name, and looks good in red, white and blue short shorts. “Hey, how about Richard Simmons?” (Voldseth)
* SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.
