PUNCH LINES

Expletive Repeated: Filmmaker Spike Lee blasted Quentin Tarantino for the movie “Jackie Brown,” saying he counted 38 uses of the N-word. “That’s still way short of the 142 required on most rap records.” (Daily Scoop)

Jersey Family Values: Gay couples in New Jersey can now adopt foster children. “Conservatives denounced the idea, saying, ‘It’s cruel and immoral to raise children in an environment like . . . New Jersey.’ ” (Daily Scoop)

Dragnet Jr.: A 3-year-old boy from Oxnard handed over his father’s pot stash to police after the dad was stopped for speeding. “The father said later, ‘I should have expected it. Last night during bath time I discovered he was wearing a wire.’ ” (Premiere Radio).

Sheep Deprivation: Scottish scientists have genetically engineered three sheep to have the same human gene. “Researchers knew they’d successfully inserted the human gene when the lambs started counting each other to fall asleep.” (Joshua Sostrin)

Xmas Spirits: Police are warning party-goers about the dangers of holiday imbibing. “If you have more than six drinks over a two-hour period, you are considered legally Robert Downey Jr.” (Alan Ray)

Cervidae Vitae: Wildlife officials in Northern California are shooting elk with a contraceptive drug. “An earlier birth control strategy failed. It’s difficult to put a condom on with a hoof.” (Ray)

Batteries Not Included: “Overheard on the first Christmas: ‘Myrrh, huh? Did you save the receipt?’ ” (Gary Easley)

The Weight House: President Clinton is reportedly getting a treadmill. “Apparently he’s going to put food on it and use it as a conveyor belt.” (Conan O’Brien)

Disney on Ice: A Siberian-style winter is gripping Europe. “At EuroDisney, it got so cold that Snow White had to throw a couple of extra Dwarfs on the fire.” (Bob Mills)

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David Letterman at 20% Strength:

Top 10 surprises in the new James Bond movie . . .

8. He loses all his money when a pickpocket guesses that his ATM code is 007.

1. His only gadget: a really bitchin’ waffle iron.

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