Neither Rain, Nor Sleet, Will Delay Tyson’s Pig’s Ears

Perhaps under the impression Mike Tyson bit Evander Holyfield in the boxing ring out of an appetite for ears, an anonymous benefactor has shipped Tyson a dozen pig’s ears.

None was wrapped. Each carried first-class postage and was addressed by felt-tipped pen.

“They were the weirdest things I’ve ever seen,” said Yolanda Stenson of the Phoenix post office, where they were mailed. “But as long as they had the proper postage on them, which they did, and they were addressed appropriately, which they were, and they fall within our other guidelines, we’ll deliver them.

“And I’m sure Mr. Tyson has received them by now.”

Or at least Don King has.

For those wondering about U.S. Postal Service guidelines, here they are:

“As long as it’s not over 108 inches in length and girth and under 70 pounds and the postage is good, we’ll try to deliver it,” spokesman Tony Gervasio said.

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Trivia time: Bobby Bonds hit 30 home runs in six seasons. How many teams did he do it for?

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Cautious approach: Rick Pitino, new coach of the Boston Celtics, says not to expect any fast turnarounds, like the one he pulled in New York, taking the Knicks from 24 victories to 52 in two seasons.

“We had Patrick Ewing and you could build around that,” Pitino says. “. . . You don’t have that here.”

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Unsung heroes? USA Today asked baseball managers to pick their most valuable, least appreciated players.

The Tigers’ Buddy Bell named .215-hitting shortstop Deivi Cruz, the Braves’ Bobby Cox tabbed .224-hitting Mark Lemke and the Phillies’ Terry Francona nominated Rex Hudler, who had 55 at-bats and a .145 average.

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Round ball, Oval Office: British oddsmaker Graham Sharpe, on listing Tiger Woods as 1,000-1 to become President of the United States: “Why not? They had a failed actor, so why not a successful golfer?”

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Trivia answer: Five, counting the White Sox and Rangers, both of whom he played for in 1978. The three other teams were the Giants (1969, 1971, 1973), Yankees (1975) and Angels (1977).

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And finally: Taking protest to new heights, Mitch Zwolensky, manager of the Prairie League’s Minot Mallards, tried to delay a baseball game against the Regina Cyclones because his team’s laundry came back damp from the laundromat.

The uniforms were delivered 25 minutes before the game and Zwolensky was upset that they weren’t crisply ironed.

He may also have been upset about losing, 25-6, the night before and getting ejected.

Zwolensky asked the umpires to wait 20 minutes for the uniforms to dry, was refused, announced he was playing under protest and was ejected again.

“My players weren’t ready, and I’m not jeopardizing them,” Zwolensky said. “We’re not going to start until we’re ready.”

The Mallards won, 2-1. No one was hurt. No word yet on whether anyone got colds from playing in wet clothes.