Class Is Out in the NBA

Charles Barkley, a bully, and Shaquille O’Neal, a punk, are two of the biggest stars in the NBA today. Where have you gone, Julius Erving? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

In the past few days, Barkley, who once spat on a little girl at courtside, picked up a small man and threw him through a window, and O’Neal, who once punched a Detroit Piston opponent, Alvin Robertson, who was trying to break up a fight, smacked a Utah Jazz player, Greg Ostertag, who was on his way to practice.

“The only place I can find peace is when I’m playing basketball,” says Barkley, the poor misunderstood barfly.

I suppose this means Chuck won’t be running for governor of Alabama, as he intended to, because the Secretary of State would eventually sass him and force Gov. Barkley to toss the little rascal off the roof of his Montgomery mansion.

Barkley, 34, and O’Neal, 25, have much in common: no NCAA championship, no NBA championship and not an ounce of humility between them.

O’Neal couldn’t beat Ostertag, so he beat him up.

“It’s over,” explained Shaq, who responded to Ostertag’s comment that the Laker lacked class by proving it.

For the Ostertag incident--it sounds like a Robert Ludlum novel--our $120-million hero can expect some disciplinary action, if the league or Lakers have any guts.

I am sure O’Neal thinks he is worth every penny Jerry Buss is paying him, but not yet, he isn’t.

He sat out 31 games last season. When he did play, Shaq’s scoring average of 26.2 was his lowest since his rookie season of 1992-93. He brags about his shooting, but his .557 percentage was the worst of his NBA career. He brags about his improved free-throw shooting, but his .484 percentage was the worst of his NBA career.

I mean, Hakeem Olajuwon, he ain’t.

Already out of the Laker opener because of an injury, O’Neal could miss even more basketball if the commissioner takes action against him for going upside Ostertag’s head. Of course, the commish’s desktop is already a pile of paperwork, what with NBA players being busted left and right, for various off-the-court infractions.

I wonder if character is even an issue any more. In the 1990s alone, the Lakers have employed a player who overturned an automobile under the influence, a player accused of wife-beating, a player arrested for soliciting a prostitute, a player convicted of striking a woman in college and a player who body-checked a referee over a table.

No Laker championships in the ‘90s, either. And with such good fellows.

Kobe Bryant, please be a Grant Hill for us, would you? Pretty please?

A guy threw ice at him, Barkley said.

Ouch.

It only left Sir Charles with a few options:

(a) Call a cop. (One was in the room.)

(b) Ask the bartender for more ice, to throw back. (You know, like a snowball fight.)

(c) Make sure the ice man goeth through yon plate-glass window. (John Wayne would have done no less.)

I suppose we all have tempers. Some of us have short fuses, others have long fuses. Size doesn’t matter. But who among us would spit at someone’s face? Who would throw a person through a window? I remember when Barkley spat on that little girl, his excuse was, “I was aiming at somebody else.” Some people simply do not get it.

When the equally truculent Bill Laimbeer once hacked him, O’Neal went after him. Robertson, playing peacemaker, tried to hold him back. So did Donald Royal, a teammate. Shaq threw aside Royal and lashed out with his fist, striking Robertson instead.

“And I’d do the same thing again,” O’Neal said later, as Pepsi-Cola and Reebok ad executives scrambled to think up a buy-this-or-we’ll-smack-you campaign.

First rule of the NBA:

No one cares what a guy does, as long as it’s Our Guy.

Barkley gets into a bar brawl, hurls a dude through a window, and what is the reaction of Rudy Tomjanovich, his coach? “Charles has our 100% support.” Sure. You bet. Charles could have hurt his wrists, carrying that dude to the window to throw him out. Charles could even have sustained serious ice-cube damage to his shirt.

O’Neal smacks a player walking by, hey, that’ll teach that Utah guy a lesson. I wish Shaq would try that stuff with Karl Malone sometime. Mailman will go postal on him.