Those Laker Kids Must Learn to Play Together Nicely

They have met the enemy and it’s them: There’s a good reason Jerry West didn’t break up the Lakers after last spring’s debacle, and it wasn’t because he was so moved by Nick Van Exel’s pledge to obey Del Harris.

He didn’t break them up because he couldn’t.

He couldn’t trade Van Exel for

another point guard remotely as good. He couldn’t get much for Elden Campbell, not with six years at $42 million left on his contract.

So everyone was invited back, although in case they missed it, things have changed. A year ago, it was “Gee, wouldn’t it be nice if the guys are ready to contend?” Now it’s grow up or else.

The Lakers need a poised point guard, a hard-working power forward, a shooting guard who can take over when teams double-team their center and a captain whose idea of rehab isn’t a rumble.

It’s an open question whether all these roles will be filled from within or without, even as the Kings continue to shop Mitch Richmond. As constituted, the Lakers are the West’s most talented team, the only problem being the individual pieces still don’t . . . quite . . . fit.

“If the Lakers were mature and played as a team, nobody could beat them,” Charles Barkley said recently.

“I think from top to bottom, they have the best talent, but they haven’t mastered the mental aspect of the game. Nobody can touch them. Nobody can match Shaq. I mean, he’s just the most dominant thing, other than Michael [Jordan] in the game. If the Lakers had their mental stuff together, nobody could touch ‘em. They’re probably the deepest.

“But thank God, you’ve got to have brains.”

As Barkley subsequently proved, the standard for “brains” is a generous one. Basically, if a player does his job in a professional manner and doesn’t throw any 5-foot-2 barroom patrons through a plate-glass window, he’ll go down as the NBA version of King Solomon.

Being young in this league is fun but traditionally isn’t worth much in titles. O’Neal’s Orlando Magic almost shocked the world, making the ’95 finals with starters aged 22, 23, 27, 27 and 29. However, it then blew a 19-point lead in Game 1 against Houston and was swept like the kids they were.

“Yeah, the young ones have potential and everyone wants them and wants to see them grow and all that,” NBC’s Matt Guokas said at last spring’s Bulls-Jazz graybeard finals, “but you can’t beat the good, old players.

“As far back as I can remember--look at the Celtics all those years. The youngest player was, like, John Havlicek, and it took him about four years to get into the flow.”

Not to say the Lakers are young or anything, but Campbell is their elder statesman, at 29.

Of course, character might be defined as what you are after something bad happens, so here’s their chance.

JUDGE DREDD VS. THE PARTY GUYS

Commissioner David Stern has a labor contract he doesn’t like, a deteriorating relationship with the players’ union and an ongoing IRS investigation of his referees, so the last thing he needed was another problem.

Nevertheless, the New York Times handed him one, reporting “60% to 70% of [NBA] players smoke marijuana and drink excessively.”

The newspaper said the number was based on “conversations with more than two dozen players, former players, agents and basketball executives.”

Stern isn’t insisting on a more scientific poll.

“I don’t think it’s productive to say, ‘It’s not 70%, it’s 30%,’ ” he said last week. “I’ll accept the notion there is use.”

Stern wants a stronger anti-drug policy but claims the union has stonewalled, demanding economic concessions for changes, leaving him “dumbfounded.” Union boss Billy Hunter denies it, which is how this once-harmonious league is going.

With both sides preparing for war, the prospect of agreement on a thorny side issue like drug use is a longer shot than the Clippers.

Stern, who once told teams their miscreants were their problem, has now taken responsibility for league behavior. Anyone convicted of a crime will henceforth have a suspension tacked on, as did Allen Iverson and Isaiah Rider.

This shocked Rider. He pleaded guilty to possessing marijuana last May but noted he had been good all summer.

Of course, Stern now is personally responsible for Barkley, who’s good for an incident a year. In a wrinkle on the have-to-see-the-commissioner story, the canny Charlie vowed he’d retire if he was hassled too much, in effect, putting the league hierarchy on probation before their meeting.

Happily, they resolved their problem amicably. Barkley will hire a bodyguard, whose job, presumably, will be to throw any obnoxious fans through windows first.

Meanwhile, South Carolina law enforcement officials are still investigating Charlotte Hornet owner George Shinn. We may yet see the day Stern has to suspend his entire league to save it, but at least he’s trying.

CAN’T THEY ALL JUST GET ALONG?

No, female referees won’t ruin the game. They won’t even hurt it.

The outcry attending the hiring of Dee Kantner and Violet Palmer is the truest measure of how sexist the NBA, or any male sports league, is. The fact it was front-page news everywhere shows we have a way to go as a nation too.

Some NBA players were diplomatic. The usual hardheads vowed never to accept it.

“You know,” said Houston’s Eddie Johnson, a rare voice of reason, “there are a lot of male chauvinist pigs in the world. Let’s let these women grow and have their time. I mean, there are men reffing in the women’s league, right? But I guess there’s a lot of men who have a hard time with women being in control of anything.”

The task isn’t herculean. With the old two-man crews, it was hell to be a rookie, akin to umpiring behind the plate at every baseball game. With three-member crews, it’s more like working second base. Rookie male referees now commonly make only a few calls, leaning on the veterans.

So what if women are smaller and slower? Male referees are smaller and slower than players too. The women just have to watch the players, not block their shots.

Not that there doesn’t seem to be some public relations in this, or political correctness. League officials, such as Deputy Commissioner Russ Granik, said weeks ago they would “probably” be hired, suggesting the matter was decided, or the fix was in.

So what?

The NBA excels at training officials. To see an NCAA game is to appreciate how professional the league’s staff is, how tight a ship it runs. It’s no stretch to believe the league made sure these women were competent.

Not that we needed to listen to any more players’ copping out by complaining about refs, but if Palmer and Kantner can demonstrate testosterone isn’t a prerequisite for grace under pressure, it will have been worth it.

NAMES AND NUMBERS

Get that tombstone ready: Detroit Piston Coach Doug Collins, bristling at the suggestion he’s on his way out after shortening his contract to one season: “I won’t burn out. Other coaches put as much into it as I do. You only see me. All you have to do is look at Phil Jackson. Look how much he’s aged in 10 years, and he’s had the best team. I’m not going to defend myself against that anymore. On my tombstone they can write, ‘He cared too much.’ That’ll be fine with me.” . . . Nobody does booster luncheons like the Bulls (cont.): In this season’s version of what used to be a love fest, fans actually booed Dennis Rodman. Said Jackson: “You can boo him if you want to, but we’re glad he’s back.” Said Rodman from the dais: “For the people who like me, I appreciate that. And for the people who don’t like me, all I am going to say is . . . if you don’t like it, you don’t have to come to the games.” . . . Without injured Scottie Pippen, Jackson will give more time to Jason Caffey, a better scorer than Rodman, which is sure to frustrate Rodman, who pines for minutes and rebounds. “I don’t know how happy Dennis is going to be sitting on the bench more,” Jordan said, apprehensively. “We’ll see how that works out.”

You’ll never believe this but: Stanley Roberts, now with the Minnesota Timberwolves, sprained an ankle and sat out the exhibition season. Said the former Clipper who has played in 83 of the last 328 games over four seasons: “I’m starting to get a little more frustrated.” He played nine minutes in the opener. . . . Big D as in going Downhill: Dallas Maverick minority owner David McDavid, on the progress made since the group headed by Ross Perot Jr. bought the team: “No, we’re not better off. Last year we may not have had a great team put together, but we had a tremendous upside in terms of the players we had and the potential we had. This year, I don’t think we have that. I think we have some incredibly nice young men who I think can play basketball. But Jason Kidd is in Phoenix.” . . . Former Clipper, now Piston Brian Williams, on female referees: “I am for equal rights. I am for the National Organization for Women. I am for equal pay and I have read Camille Paglia and Anais Nin. But this is utter bull. It’s just more ‘90s political correctness.” . . . OK, I give up, who are Camille Paglia and Anais Nin? . . . Jordan on his buddy Barkley’s latest late-night barroom incident: “He needs to keep his butt home.”

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Game of the Week

SAN ANTONIO AT CHICAGO

When--Monday. Time--5:30 PST. TV--none.

* Storyline--Too bad the schedule-makers threw this one away, putting it up against “Monday Night Football” and not putting it on cable TV, because it’s an intriguing test of the aging Bulls, the young Spurs, the man, Michael Jordan, and the kid, Tim Duncan, the most touted rookie since Shaquille O’Neal.