For Pete’s Sake, Can’t Oilers Get Anything Right?

The Tennessee Oilers added another public relations faux pas to their long list Nov. 6 when Memphis businessmen gathered to introduce the NFL commissioner.

Ira A. Lipman, president of Memphis Guardsmark Inc., told the crowd at the Peabody hotel:

“I would be honored if you would give him a standing ovation. Ladies and gentlemen, the commissioner of the National Football League, Pete Rozelle.”

Rozelle is the former commissioner. He also is deceased. Lipman meant Paul Tagliabue, who stood at the podium, embarrassed.

Trivia time: What is the Laker record for overtime victories in a season?

Foolish leap: Dan Shaughnessy in the Boston Globe: “Famous groups with handy nicknames are part of football lore. Through the decades, the gridiron has been stalked by the legendary likes of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, the Seven Blocks of Granite, the Steel Curtain, and the Fearsome Foursome.

“Now we can add the Monsters of the Mosh Pit--[Drew] Bledsoe and his [New England Patriot] teammates, Max Lane and Scott Zolak.”

Instant brawl: Count to three. That’s how long after the opening faceoff it took Claude Lemieux of the Colorado Avalanche and Darren McCarty of the Detroit Red Wings to get into a fight Nov. 11 in Detroit.

“Does anything happen in the first three seconds in sports?” wonders Mitch Albom of the Detroit Free Press. “It takes three seconds for a kickoff to come out of the lights. It takes three seconds for a pitcher to get a sign and throw. It takes three seconds for Mike Tyson to decide which ear to go for.”

Pond scum: Victories have been few and far between at Ursinus, a small school in Pennsylvania, prompting Athletic Director Bill Akin to say:

“Ursinus has kind of been the algae on the football food chain.”

Poor footwork: Tampa Bay defensive end Brad Culpepper to teammate Chidi Ahanotu, who got a 15-yard penalty and a $2,500 fine for taunting after his sack dance over Atlanta quarterback Chris Chandler:

“They didn’t call you for taunting. They called you for bad dancing.”

Appropriate: The New York Post recently reported that Madison Square Garden will peddle copies of the Ranger jersey Wayne Gretzky wore October 30 with his name spelled “Gretkzy.” The reported price: $999.

Cheap shot: Steve Rosenbloom of the Chicago Tribune commenting on Greg Norman driving the pace car for next year’s Indianapolis 500: “Who better to be caught from behind?”

Trivia answer: The 1961-62 team was 7-0. The Lakers extended the Boston Celtics to seven games in the championship series before losing.

And finally: When Minnesota Viking linebacker Eddie McDaniel dies, he wants to be buried with $2,000, just in case he needs to tip somebody upstairs.

“I’m going to bribe St. Peter. I’ll say, ‘Here’s my donation. I’m going to leave it right here. I don’t care what you do with it. Just let me see the Man in his office.’ ”