Knock ‘Em on Their Wallets

A review of Week 7 in the NFL, and why haven’t the Raiders thought of this? Unhappy after committing 10 penalties against Denver in a loss, the Patriots called a players-only meeting and agreed to fine any player guilty of drawing a flag. Against the Bills, New England had one penalty--a holding call on Ben Coates, who is now short $100.

New England defeated Buffalo, which had 11 penalties, 33-6.

It’s a Small World

NFL rules prohibit him from standing on a telephone book, so Ty Thumb Detmer, the Eagles’ starting quarterback, had five passes knocked down at the line of scrimmage against Jacksonville.

Troubling Trend

The Rams, Eagles, Cardinals, Colts, Oilers, Bears and Bengals are a combined 0-23 on the road.

From Now On

They should be known as the New Orleans Sinners after fumbling five times and losing two, throwing two interceptions and allowing 10 sacks. As a a team, New Orleans, has 27 turnovers in seven games.

Recapping

This from the Philadelphia Inquirer in describing Sunday’s Eagles’ loss to Jacksonville: “The Jaguars rolled up 168 yards, 12 first downs and three touchdowns on just 17 plays. And when all that was over, there was still 1 minute, 42 seconds left in the first quarter.”

No Lines

There were 45,309 empty seats in the Liberty Bowl for Tennessee’s victory over Cincinnati.

The Mistakes Kids Make

St. Louis quarterback Tony Banks couldn’t beat San Francisco cornerback Rod Woodson deep so instead he walked up to him and threw a punch at his face. Tony, Tony, Tony--football players wear face masks.

Mismatch of the Day

Jacksonville tackle Tony Boselli on Philadelphia defensive end Mike Mamula. Only a difference of 71 pounds, which explains why Richard Dent and Rhett Hall took turns replacing Mamula after Mamula failed to get within the same ZIP code of quarterback Mark Brunell.

He’s Had Worse Days

New Orleans quarterback Heath Shuler completed five of nine passes for 55 yards and was sacked three times for a loss of 29 yards, giving the Sinners a net gain of 26 yards before he was benched.

Luck Is Only Explanation

The Lions opted to hand the ball to Barry Sanders, who became the only player in NFL history to run more than 80 yards for a touchdown twice in the same game.

Correction

Miami wide receiver Lamar Thomas was quoted as saying, “That was vintage Marino,” after the Dolphin quarterback threw for 372 yards. What Thomas meant to say was, “That guy is really old, but he can still throw the ball.”

Three Teams to Watch Closer

1. Indianapolis--The Colts have asked Bobby Knight to have a word with Cary Blanchard, who botched a game-winning 42-yard field goal.

2. Tampa Bay--Obviously, it’s time for wholesale changes.

3. Green Bay--The Packers want to sell 400,000 more shares of stock. Hey, everybody else in the state is making money off them, why not?

If the Planets Are Aligned

The New York Giants will be 8-3 and sitting above the Cowboys, Eagles and Redskins in the NFC East after cakewalks against Detroit, Cincinnati, Tennessee and Arizona the next four weeks.

Notify Ripley’s

A mind-boggling 65,619 people bought tickets to watch the Atlanta Falcons play in New Orleans. There’s no way the Superdome can be mistaken for Bourbon Street, so there has to be some other explanation. Of course, Chris Chandler was playing quarterback for the Falcons. He’ll pull them in every time.

There’s Always Someone Worse

Hard to believe after watching the Rams’ offense, but . . . called on to throw his first pass of the season for Buffalo, Billy Joe Hobert promptly threw an interception.

Hurt Themselves the Most

The Cincinnati Bengals. They went 5-2 down the stretch a year ago, raised expectations and then became the second-biggest dog in town, behind Schottzie.

“We can’t run and we can’t pass,” said Bengal Coach Bruce Coslet. “We can’t stop the pass and we can’t stop the run.”

Yeah, but can they bark!

Big Blunder

The Bears chose to go for two points, losing by one at home to the Packers with 1 minute 54 seconds to play. OK, but get it right. The Bears had already burned their three timeouts, and having not practiced wide receiver Curtis Conway, their best offensive player, in goal-line situations, they found themselves mismatched against the Packers’ defensive personnel.

As Chicago quarterback Erik Kramer admitted later, the Bears had no audible to call because they didn’t have the proper personnel on the field, so when two Packers crowded running back Raymont Harris, Kramer could only throw the ball over his head.

“It was a no-brainer,” said Bear Coach Dave Wannstedt, and maybe next week someone might want to give a little thought to preparing for such a situation.

Kevin Butler Goof of the Week

The Cardinals scored a touchdown, matching the Giants’ two field goals to start the game, and then called on the Butler to kill any momentum. Butler missed the extra point--now there’s a surprise--and the Giants went on to score the next 21 points.

This Week’s

MVP

Viking quarterback Brad Johnson. If everyone’s covered, why sure, bounce the ball off a defender, catch your own pass and score. The NFL said its computers were running all night, checking every pass in NFL history to see if any other player had thrown a pass to himself--and scored.

Dolts’ Update

Cary Blanchard will be playing the part of Kevin Butler in next week’s made-for-TV sob story: “Wide Left.”

Still Waiting

For James Stewart to claim that Harvey the Rabbit was doing all the blocking for him.

Upon Reflection

His parents probably figured he’d have a rocky start as Arizona’s quarterback when they named him Stoney Case.

Said Case after replacing injured Cardinal quarterback Kent Graham, “I knew if I was coming in, it was going to be a bad situation.”