‘Players’ Operates on a Very Familiar Field

NBC delivers a series tonight that represents television at its self-cannibalizing worst. It’s “The A-Team” meets “Mission: Impossible” meets “The Dirty Dozen” meets infinite other formulaic movies and TV series that you’ve already seen.

“Players” is one of the least original series of the new season, a crime-fighting hour from Dick Wolf (“Law & Order”) that gives a mundane start to a Friday of prime time on NBC that ends, ironically, with that superb cop show, “Homicide: Life on the Street.”

There’s no creative pulse on the familiar, oft-traveled avenues of “Players,” unless you generously count the car chase deployed in the first five minutes or the ever-present sirens and squealing tires or dialogue like this:

“He’s the man, and he wants it bad.”

“Yeah, but does the man have a plan?”

The plan for “Players” has three of those stock, wisecracking, street-smart ex-cons working undercover for the FBI on special assignments that those regular G-men (poor babies) can’t handle. Tonight that happens in New York, but hereafter Los Angeles becomes the stage for their adventures.

Charlie (Frank John Hughes) is the smooth electronics whiz, Alphonse (Costas Mandylor) the smooth hunk, Ice (rapper Ice-T) the smooth con man. Under the guidance of swell-looking special agent Kowalski (Mia Korf), these guys are, uh, smooth--effortlessly stopping a vile hijacking scheme by a murderous bureau insider.

Their triumphs are predicated on their foes being idiots--tonight’s Cubans comply by allowing them to easily infiltrate their embassy--and on the players having inexplicable access to every exotic item of equipment they require because, well, they just do. Tonight it’s a telephone truck that magically appears. Kowalski: “Where’d you get it?” Charlie: “Don’t ask.”

There’s nothing wrong with escapism that isn’t stale escapism. In the case of “Players,” its attempts at humor are unfunny, its drama uninvolving, its characters unbelievable. Otherwise . . .

Don’t ask.

* “Players” premieres at 8 tonight on NBC (Channel 4). The network has rated it TV-PG (may be unsuitable for young children).