Everyone Now Is at War With the Evil Umpire

The quality of umpiring in the baseball playoffs has been embarrassing to Peter Gammons, analyst for ESPN and the Boston Globe, and he points the finger where he believes the fault lies.

“First, because the umpires are chosen not by merit but by a welfare system, it can seriously be questioned whether games are being decided by umpires, not players, and in that case, the next question is whether baseball cares that the results have integrity.

“Because umpires cannot be fired, there is no incentive for good young umpires to work their way up. . . . Instead of protecting the game, the absurd power of the union protects the incompetents [and] results in disgraces like Game 5 and Game 6 of the [National League championship series].”

*

More on umpires: The Vent, a sassy column in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, didn’t let go of the situation. Some tidbits:

“The strike zone isn’t as wide as home plate--it’s as wide as the home-plate umpire!”

“If two-thirds of the planet is covered with water, what covers the rest of it? Eric Gregg’s strike zone.”

And, “Close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades, and when Eric Gregg is behind home plate.”

*

Trivia time: Who has the best winning percentage among NFL coaches with one team?

*

Long memory: Miami Dolphin Coach Jimmy Johnson is still fretting over the 1987 Fiesta Bowl, in which Vinny Testaverde’s five interceptions led to a 14-10 Penn State victory that cost Johnson’s Miami Hurricanes the national championship.

“I felt like we had the best college team of all time,” Johnson recalled last week. “We had 450 yards of total offense to 188 and we came up short.”

*

She’s ready: Referee Dee Kantner, who hopes to become the first woman to officiate a regular-season NBA game, has been warned about the vile language players use toward referees.

“Chances are, I’ve heard all those words before,” she said. “As long as it’s not derisive, what I would tell players is, ‘I won’t melt.’ ”

*

Only one Woody: When Ohio State defeated Indiana last Saturday, 31-0, it moved John Cooper past Earle Bruce into second place among Buckeye coaches. Cooper has 82 victories, but trails Woody Hayes, who has 205.

“Woody’s record is safe,” Cooper, 60, said. “You can count on that.”

*

Family history: In a roundabout way, the New England Patriots can thank Gen. George Custer for kicker Adam Vinatieri.

Vinatieri’s great, great grandfather was Felix Vinatieri, bandmaster for Custer’s 7th Cavalry. Felix had the day off when Custer’s troops were massacred at Little Big Horn.

*

Trivia answer: John Madden, .763 with a 103-32-7 record with the Oakland Raiders from 1969 to 1978.

*

And finally: It’s nice to be in the World Series, but Florida Marlin relief pitcher Ed Vosberg found another reason to celebrate.

“This is why I came to Miami, to get Dan Marino’s autograph,” said Vosberg, showing off a signed football.