Looking for the Silver Lining

Hi. Good morning. How are you? Do you have a smile for me today? Oh, come on, just a small smile for me. Cause when you’re smilin’ the whole world smiles with you. Gray skies are gonna clear up, put on a hap-py face. And spread sunshine all over the place, just put on a hap-py face. Look at me, I’m dancing!

Aw, come on people, let’s feel good.

Let’s feel good that there are only eight games left, because even if this trend continues the worst it can be is 4-12. And then you get a real high draft choice!

That’s good, isn’t it?

Okay, maybe not. Normally a high draft choice would be good. But the Redskins seem to have run into some bad luck with their high draft choices recently, in the sense that Heath Shuler (No. 3), Michael Westbrook (No. 4) and Sean Gilbert (acquired for No. 6) are not technically on the field for the Redskins every single game. But that’s probably just a once-in-a-lifetime run of bad luck, like this year’s El Nino. So let’s feel good that the bad luck will change.

Let’s feel good that there are only four men on the defensive line. That way when everyone in town starts screaming that the defensive line stinks, there are only four people at a time who feel bad. In fact, maybe it would be good if the Redskins put in a 3-4 defense to further minimize the blame. (And of course, you can’t blame Mike Nolan for any of this, because he inherited most of these players. Though by that logic it seems harsh to have blamed Ron Lynn, because he had most of these players, too. Hey, I know, let’s feel good that we’re not Ron Lynn!)

Let’s feel good that Vinny Testaverde had enough stand-around time to eat a sandwich while he was waiting for his receivers to get open. Vinny stood still back there like he was posing for Rodin.

It was considerate of the Redskins not to hurry Vinny, because when he’s pressured Vinny has a tendency, historically, to throw the ball to people on the other team -- especially in the fourth quarter. Case in point: Did you see Vinny cough up the ball when somebody in a white jersey breathed on him in the fourth quarter? Let’s feel good about the compassion the Redskins showed toward Vinny.

Let’s feel good that Bam Morris wasn’t in football shape yet, because if he was, and they gave him the ball on every play, he might have rushed for 250 yards. According to Bob Trumpy on NBC, the only hope the Redskins had of stopping Bam was if he dropped dead. Obviously, the easiest way to beat the Redskins is to slap a helmet on some big moose, and run straight down Broadway on them. (So by all means let’s feel good that Tom Coughlin is still coaching in the NFL, because he’s the yo-yo who decided Jacksonville should stop handing the ball to Natrone Means against the Redskins.) If I was Dave Wannstedt I’d find out where The Fridge lives and sign him to a one-game deal.

Let’s feel good that the Redskins have gotten through the real rough part of the schedule, Tennessee and Baltimore, and now they’re cruising.

Let’s feel good that Ted Marchibroda didn’t catch cold in that rain. On the sideline, with his pale face and that hood over his head, Marchibroda looked like The Grim Reaper--he surely must have appeared that way to Norv. Oh, let’s feel good that the Irsays were smart enough to fire Marchibroda and bring in Lindy Infante on his way to Canton.

Let’s feel good that Gilbert is leading a productive life.

Let’s feel good that D.C. United is getting a parade this year. Last year after they won the MLS championship they didn’t get squadoosh. They were stuck holding a rally in a parking lot at RFK, where I think Marion Barry showed up briefly and sold half-smokes.

Let’s feel good that Charles Barkley didn’t throw any of us through a plate glass window. And let’s feel good that Charles isn’t crewing in the Whitbread ‘Round-The-World race because all we’d ever hear on board his ship late at night is “Man overboard!”

Let’s feel good that none of us has any money in the stock market. Oh, you do? Uh-oh.

Hey, I thought this was a Redskins column.

Sorry.

Let’s feel good that the offense is coming around.

Okay, maybe it isn’t exactly coming around. But it’s close to coming around, right? Because they’ve paid a lot of money to Gus Frerotte, and a lot of money to Westbrook. And they’ve got one of the most dependable receivers of all time in Henry Ellard. And they’re real high on young receivers Leslie Shepherd and Jamie Asher. And they brought in a big name guy in Alvin Harper. So they’re supposed to get lots of points, right? I mean, nobody’s job would be secure if the offense was only scoring 18 points a game, and it had never scored more than 24 points in any one game, right?

Under Norv Turner the Redskins are supposed to be about offense. So surely if the offense was bogged down after eight games like a Saint Bernard in a heat wave, there would be changes--if only to try to set a spark.

Because you can say what you want about the defensive line being as airy as a chiffon gown; it’s nothing new with this team. For all the criticism the Redskins have allowed fewer points than 11 of the 15 NFC teams. You could look it up.

So let’s feel good that no matter how many times their opponents score, the rules provide that the Redskins get the ball back and have their own chance to score. And one of these days they will. Let’s feel good that as bad as it is here, how’d you like to be Ditka?

Chin up.

Love ya.

Have a nice day.

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* CHICAGO AT MIAMI: This game, delayed a day by Game 7 of the World Series, was played Monday night and featured a winless Bear team against Dan Marino’s Dolphins. C5