Calling the Valley Names

Name that Valley.

Comedian Jay Leno already has. Actually, Leno has 15 potential names in mind for the San Fernando Valley if it becomes its own city.

Not surprisingly, none is terribly flattering. Unless, that is, you’re the type who longs to live in a town called “Pornadelphia,” “Asphalt-by-the-Sea” or “Off-Ramp Acres.”

Or how about the charming monikers “Smog-adena” “Newer Jersey,” “Unknown Actorville” “Little Appalachia” and “Land O’ Flakes”?

Sheesh! It’s enough to make one yearn for “Sepulveda.”

The list of appalling appellations was reeled off by Leno in a bit after Monday night’s monologue. The 15 names were purportedly voted on by Valley residents (the show’s comedy writers, no doubt).

Leno said the winning entry was “Hellholia,” preferred by 22% of Valley voters.

We’re sure, Jay.

Several years ago, The Times had its own tongue-in-cheek contest to rename the San Fernando Valley after part of Canoga Park became West Hills and Sepulveda metamorphosed into North Hills. Our readers came up with even funnier names.

The winning entry: “Twenty-nine Malls.”

Other contenders included “Beige-Air,” “Ranchos del los Ranchos,” “McValley,” “Minimallia” and “Valle de Nada.”

A spokeswoman for the “Tonight Show” said the Leno name-the-Valley routine got big laughs from the audience and no complaints from Valley residents.

But Leno’s barbs do reinforce the oft-stated lament from secession backers that the Valley is the Rodney Dangerfield of the region.

“Not only does it show a lack of respect, but Jay Leno could have his chin in Los Angeles and his [backside] in Chatsworth and not know the difference,” said former U.S. Rep. Bobbi Fiedler, who’s on the board of a new group that is moving ahead with the secession agenda.

And what does this group want to name the Valley if it gets a divorce?

Their answer, more familiar than funny, is to call it what it is: “San Fernando Valley.”