At $3 Million a Year-Plus, They’re No Dirty Dozen

Viewed optimistically, a perspective we try to use at least once a season, the NBA’s move toward “big coaches” was a step forward, a recognition that talent wasn’t enough, a needed counterweight to overindulged players.

Of course, the coaches have a foible or two themselves. The general rule is, the better the mentor, the louder the ticking.

Here’s how the 12 who earn $3 million or more are doing:

ACES

1. Pat Riley, Miami Heat. He’s the argument for giving a coach total control. That’s a surprise, since he had no personnel experience and a demonstrated tendency to burn everyone out in five years. But he made bold trades for Alonzo Mourning, Tim Hardaway and Jamal Mashburn, and salvaged unknowns Ike Austin, Voshon Lenard and Mark Strickland. He has a weakness for no-one-knows-what-it-takes-to-win-

but-me speeches, but he took a 32-50 team into the Eastern Conference elite in two years.

2. Phil Jackson, Chicago Bulls. He’s getting $5.7 million, even if management keeps letting him know he’s out of there. Like other greats, he knows something about self-absorption and his mysticism is good for laughs. But with this team, at least, he’s a great coach. He knows who to coddle (guess), whose rear end to kick and how to make the attendant hysteria work for him. Despite Scottie Pippen’s arriving in January, demanding a trade, telling the owner he “can go to hell” and the usual Dennis Rodman circus, the Bulls still have a shot at the best record. Of the NBA’s top 10 seasons, Jackson teams have three.

3. Mike Fratello, Cleveland Cavaliers. He’s a bargain at $5 million. He got too shrill and wore out his welcome in Atlanta but has been even better under more adverse circumstances at Cleveland. His teams surprise you every season, none more than this one.

4. Larry Bird, Indiana Pacers. Another surprise, since the old trash-talker has been so self-effacing, the first to note that his assistants do the Xs and O’s. They restored what Larry Brown built, but it wouldn’t have happened without the blunt-spoken Bird, who is admired by his players as few NBA coaches are.

5. Lenny Wilkens, Atlanta Hawks. He gets criticized now for not booting teams deeper into postseason play, but unlike a lot of greats, he doesn’t wear his ego on his sleeve. His problem? His recent teams have been overachievers that just weren’t good enough.

MIXED BLESSINGS

6. John Calipari, New Jersey Nets. Overshadowed by one-time mentor Rick Pitino, he has a knack for pratfalls and vents at players. On the plus side, he has a real learning curve. He controls the personnel but made experienced General Manager John Nash a partner in reshaping the roster, something his mentor could learn from.

7. Pitino, Boston Celtics. He’s the argument against giving a coach total control. Great on the sideline, he’s a joke as general manager. He signs players like Chris Mills, dumps them, starts in a new direction, then reverses directions for another impulse buy like Kenny Anderson. Result: a rag-tag roster without much salary-cap room.

He keeps saying he has to do it this way because owner Paul Gaston won’t go for mega-salaries. Sounds like baloney, because the Celtics have a new building and a huge local TV package, but if it is true, the emperor should have passed on this offer too, because it’s a prescription for disaster. I can’t believe another coach in the world could have won 25 games with them, but where does he go from here?

8. Brown, Philadelphia 76ers. Another great coach misplaced as personnel chief. The 76ers are 16-16 since the All-Star break and playing with verve for the first time in the ‘90s. However, Brown’s habit of running his mouth on his stars won’t work in the free-agent era. Unless he digs in, in a year or two it will be academic.

PRICEY

9. Chuck Daly, Orlando Magic. Knowing it’s a players’ game, he once sublimated his ego and got along with the likes of Derrick Coleman and Mark Aguirre. But after allowing himself to be dragged back in at 67, for $5 million (and $301 a day for expenses--$1 more than Riley), he checked his humility in retirement. He clashed openly with Penny Hardaway and, for a while, looked as if he wanted to be general manager too. The Magic is a Daly team, tough and gritty, but remains a playoff longshot. OK, now what?

10. Rudy Tomjanovich, Houston Rockets. In gratitude for the two titles he brought them, they bumped him up to $4.5 million. The problem is, he’s a players’ coach whose players aren’t good enough anymore.

WHERE’S THE REFUND DESK?

11. P.J. Carlesimo, Golden State Warriors. He’s the real victim of the Latrell Sprewell mess. Unfortunately, he never figured out the difference between college and the pros, and still screams at players as if they were teens at Seton Hall. Maybe Pitino and Calipari get away with it because they’re younger or more charismatic. Maybe Carlesimo was simply unlucky enough to blunder into Rod Strickland, Isaiah Rider and Sprewell. In any case, he has a terrible team that second-guesses his every move and a reputation as a tyrant that makes him an unlikely recruiter.

12. Doug Collins, NBC. He was fired by the Detroit Pistons before taking the job he should have had all along. He’s an emotion-brimming, fractured personality, endearing one moment, a werewolf with fangs the next. He did a great job before detonating, having tipped everyone off by having three years’ pay rolled into one more year under contract. He had a similar experience in Chicago, where he toughened up the young Bulls but was carried off on his shield before they reached the promised land.

FACES AND FIGURES

Still fighting for the right to party: Burning with yet another embarrassment and disgusted at yet another monument to underachievement, Washington Wizard General Manager Wes Unseld served notice he has had it with fast-lane lifestyles and run-ins with the law. The Washington Post reported that the latest incident started at a Georgetown restaurant after a win over the Magic, where Chris Webber, Juwan Howard and a party of about 15 were asked to leave. They adjourned to Howard’s home, where a woman charged she was sexually assaulted. The Post, quoting police sources, reported that a subsequent search of Webber’s home turned up drug paraphernalia.

Howard and Webber have already faced criminal charges within the last 18 months. Not getting it as usual, Webber complained that Unseld “wasn’t there” for him. . . . The Wizards already were considering trading Howard--there were reports of a deal for Elden Campbell before the deadline. As usual, Webber had already announced a few thoughts on the subject of the team’s direction: Keep Howard, even if they’re both power forwards, because Webber says he can’t play center. Re-sign Rod Strickland. Acquire another friend of Webber’s--Sprewell.

“Washington is a nice place and the fans are nice,” Webber said before his latest incident. “But the only reason I came to Washington was to play with Juwan. I had my choice of where I wanted to go. I chose to come here because of the dreams and aspirations I wanted to fulfill with him. . . . Our first priority should be to get Rod back and our next should be to get Spree.” . . . So far, the dreams and aspirations are coming slow. Howard will make $13 million next season, Webber $10 million. Between them, they’ve been in the league seven years without winning a playoff game.

Not that he cares but: After Shaquille O’Neal scored 50 points, Michael Jordan scored 41 and 40 to protect his lead in the scoring race. “My focus is from a team standpoint,” Jordan said, transparently. “Individually, the stats monitor my consistency and doesn’t give you [reporters] any reason to say I’m losing a step and I’m not playing the type of basketball I’m capable of playing.”

The dirty little secret, or everyone in the pool: Check the losing streaks if you want to know how hard the lottery teams are playing. Vancouver’s Blue Edwards, a Milwaukee Buck in 1994, says they tanked, trying to get Glenn Robinson: “Guys on the bench, we talked about it a lot. I’m not going to say who the coach’s name is [Mike Dunleavy] but he was also the GM. There were games we would be winning and he would say, ‘I want to see what guys at the end of the bench can do.’ . . . A guy like Don Nelson [at Dallas], I can see him doing that so they can be better in the future. Like the other night, a very good player like Michael Finley sits for a long period of time and he’s not hurt, you have to question why.” . . . Never let a straight line go: Brian Williams, asked if the Pistons could bounce back from two tough losses: “We don’t bounce anymore. We just splat.”