Off-Kilter
Weird Polls Department: It’s time for another round of useless and stupid surveys:
* Americans are so fed up with impersonal treatment by banks that 18% would move their accounts to McDonald’s if it offered banking services, according to a survey by the Stern Marketing Group. The study also found that 22% would consider banking at Blockbuster Video, 28% at Nordstrom department stores and 17% at a “Bank of Starbucks.”
* The celebrity couple whom TV viewers would most like to see smooch aboard the new “Love Boat” is Rosie O’Donnell and Tom Cruise, according to a survey by UPN. Other popular pairings included Howard Stern with Kathie Lee Gifford (15%) and Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky (8%). You can cast your own vote for the “Ultimate Love Boat Couple” at https://www.upn.com.
* Among women who listen to soul singer Luther Vandross (a man who has such a phobia of animals that he reportedly won’t even look at fish in an aquarium), 60% say kissing is more important than sex, according to a survey by Black Pearl Records.
* A survey by Pillow Buddies pillows and All About You magazine discovered that 60% of teenage girls fantasize about having Leonardo DiCaprio crash their slumber party. Only 11% fantasize about having the group Hanson sleep over. None mentioned Luther Vandross.
Off-Kilter Swimsuit Issue: We know you turn to us for important fashion news. So we skipped our usual Paris junket this year to tell you about a stunning new summer swimwear look from the house of George. That’s George as in Washington, the dollar-bill guy. Last week, a bathing suit worn by his wife, Martha, was briefly put on display at the couple’s former home in Mount Vernon, Va.
Made of homespun linen and covered with a blue-and-white checkered pattern, the first lady’s swimsuit featured long sleeves, a long skirt and lead weights to keep the suit from billowing up in the water. It’s scheduled to go on public display at the Mount Vernon Museum in 1999, but you’ll probably see it before that in Sports Illustrated’s next swimsuit issue.
Bumper Sticker of the Day: “Entropy isn’t what it used to be.”
Weird Haircuts Department: A British hairstylist is using broken beer bottles to sculpt customers’ hair, according to a report from Wireless Flash News Service. Barber Frank Bisson charges $83 to $300 for his beer-bottle buzz cuts.
Mach 3 Contest Note: Some of your letters have apparently been misdirected because the address we printed last week didn’t have enough information (sorry, hope we didn’t lose any). Please mail razor essays to: Roy Rivenburg’s Off-Kilter, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053. You can also fax us at (213) 237-0732. Due date is May 7.
Best Supermarket Tabloid Headline: “Satan’s Wife Is the Real Evil One, Says Famed Rabbi” (Weekly World News)
Moral of the story: Behind every successful prince of darkness, there’s always a Mrs. Satan.
* Roy Rivenburg can be reached by e-mail at roy.rivenburg@latimes.com.
Contributor: Wireless Flash News Service