Importing Felons --a Felonious Idea

* Orange County will soon have a sheriff who wants to import cons to fill our jails (Aug. 2). This is his solution to financing more jail cells.

I think we can do without importing convicted felons to help out with the budget. If Sheriff-elect Mike Carona is really sold on this idea, why not sell it to Riverside or San Bernardino counties and export our cons?

TOM BARNUM

Laguna Beach

* Importing felons! Let’s think of some other pests we can import to solve those nasty budget problems that just won’t go away.

* Possums. Possums are minor pests but people all over the Southland are sick of hearing them bang into the trash cans at night. We could import these little rascals from neighboring counties at $5 per head to fund expansion of the animal control shelter. A financial bonus: Create a possum zoo with viewing area where families pay to watch the critters bump into things.

* Coyotes. Import coyotes for a hefty fee and release them into the possum zoo to relieve congestion there.

* Lawyers. With all those new felons, we’ll need extra lawyers. And think how much other counties would pay to get rid of these pests. We aren’t talking $5 a head here.

* Pot-bellied pigs. In a few years all those people who wanted a novelty pet will grow tired of a creature that’s even uglier than a possum and won’t respond to obedience training. They will furtively release the pigs at night in your neighborhood and you will find them in your frontyard uprooting your marigolds. Import them before there’s a crisis.

* In-laws. Other people’s in-laws are not pests, only your own. Therefore no one should have a problem with the importation of out-of-state in-laws. This would fund expansion of the county’s family counseling services.

* Telemarketers. Yes, these are the worst pests. We cringe at the thought of importing more of them. However, county-provided phone banks and imported telemarketers would bring in big bucks. We would, of course, insist they limit their calls to residents outside the county.

Send your money-making ideas to the Orange County Board of Supervisors. They want to hear from you.

MARCIA EDWARDS

Orange