Behavior, Beliefs and Betrayal

The Times asked women writers to talk about what messages were sent to women and girls by President Clinton’s admission Monday night and his wife’s public reaction to it.

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If you’re the old traditional wife, you’re scorned; if you’re the new feminist wife, you’re an enabler and a traitor to feminism. Women can’t win. No matter what they do, they’re going to be criticized on one side or the other.

Girls are getting the message that it’s very tough to be a woman in the public arena these days. The whole thing is going to make young women fearful about the public arena and the whole public debate. If you get into this arena, you’re going to be scarred in one way or another.

All the women in this debate are being personally savaged, whether it’s Linda Tripp being called an elephant, Monica Lewinsky being called fat, Paula Jones being called ugly and Hillary Clinton either a sucker or a jerk or why aren’t her hips narrow enough. Girls see that women are being held up to this incredible attack, being savaged, whether they entered the public arena by choice or by fate.

If you’re a woman, you can’t win, whether you’re the first lady trying to stand by her man or anybody else down the food chain.

Caryl Rivers is a professor of journalism at Boston University and author of “She Works, He Works” (HarperCollins San Francisco, 1996).

Another Contortion

Over the past six years, Hillary Clinton has stretched herself thin across traditional and nontraditional roles--the Hillary, the Rodham, the Clinton. Now, declaring that she is “committed to her marriage and loves her husband,” she faces another such contortion as a wife, mother, first lady. On Monday, it is said, Hillary helped write the speech. But as a mother, how do you calculate the messages your decisions pass on to a young daughter? Do you want to teach her loyalty? Blind loyalty? The strength to endure? Or the strength to get out?

And as a woman, how do you ever again respect this man? Or trust him? In James Carville’s language, “What did Lucy say to Desi? The president has some ‘splaining to do.” The Clintons don’t have a deal. They have a marriage. A marriage surely reeling from revelations about character and betrayal. She is a “wronged wife” who cannot tolerate being seen as a victim--or being one. A woman who bridged the changing roles of her generation and gender--independent-minded and committed.

Under public scrutiny far more relentless than the Martha’s Vineyard sun, this woman will be trying to strike a far, far harder pose: How can she still stand by her man--on her own two feet?

From Ellen Goodman’s syndicated column.

Mops, Props and Nannies

Women are groupies or nannies. If you are a wife, you will be sent out to lie like a rug. If you are a daughter, you will be used as a family values stage prop. If you are a state or federal employee, you will be squeezed like a disposable sponge to wipe up the boss’ recreational spills.

Camille Paglia is a feminist activist.

‘Hillary, Leave Him’

There’s so much betrayal around. Look at Chelsea Clinton. To grow up idolizing her father and having him on a pedestal because of all that he’s been and all that he’s done and then to find out that he wasn’t honest, that he misled people about things. The betrayal is so huge, from somebody who you wanted so badly to believe in.

My daughter, who is 25, called me the other night. She was so upset after the speech. She had wanted so much to believe in him, as I’m sure Chelsea did. The message to women and to young girls is that, you trust in something and then the rug gets pulled out from under you.

As for Hillary Clinton, I just don’t know how much of it is what she feels she needs to do and how much is what she really believes. I keep wanting to say, “Hillary, leave him, leave him.”

Elayne Savage is the author of “Don’t Take It Personally/The Art of Dealing With Rejection” (New Harbinger Publications.)

Interns--Girls--as Prey

Suddenly, there’s a problem for every girl who wants to be an intern. Even though there are hundreds and thousands of interns who have passed through without incident, we hear about this one. It dulls the possibilities for college students. It tells young girls that it’s OK to pursue men in power, even if they’re married. It seems like we’ve gotten to where the more important thing is who you’re sleeping with instead of who you’re being.

If my daughter wanted to be an intern at the White House--or anywhere in Washington--I’d have second thoughts, as a direct result of this incident. I’d feel like she was prey.

Lydia Nayo is a writer in Oakland.

Fight for the Real Issues

This is what I think Bill Clinton’s behavior and Hillary Clinton’s response should mean to women in America: absolutely nothing. Regardless of our personal feelings, it is not up to us to make holier-than-thou judgments about sexual issues in anyone else’s marriage. None of us knows anything significant about the Clintons’ marriage--its pleasures, problems, agreements or understandings. It is not our business to know, any more than we would want outsiders prying into and judging our own relationships.

Many women stick with womanizing husbands--Jackie Kennedy certainly did--and others leave husbands who have a single casual affair. There is no one, right, “moral” answer for all women (or men), and we must resist the moralizers who tell us that there is.

Carol Tavris is a social psychologist who writes frequently on behavioral research.

Take Responsibility

What can we say about Bill Clinton’s behavior? That it’s demeaning to women on some level? Sure. Mostly, it’s just sick, compulsive and sad. But Hillary Clinton made her choices, as she herself insisted time and time again, with her eyes open. You can have sympathy for her marital tenacity, as many clearly do, and still be distressed, even irritated, at her tolerance for her husband’s behavior--and the message that sends to younger women. Who wants to live this way? Who wants their daughter to live this way? None of us. So we can express sympathy but still say, “Hey, this is no role model in the marriage department.”

Chelsea Clinton is the only innocent here. Neither Hillary nor Monica Lewinsky is a victim. In fact, I think the message to younger women in particular--I certainly hope so anyway--is that you make your own choices and pay the price. Like a groupie, Lewinsky bragged about her liaison and kept the dress to prove it. I think she’s as guilty as the president. She was 21, plenty old enough to take responsibility.

When Anita Hill came forward, I believed her, but something about the whole thing made me uncomfortable. She came out of the blue 10 years later. I didn’t like that. I didn’t like the sexual sandbagging. Being sexually harassed and having consensual sex are not the same, but I certainly wish Monica had had the smarts and guts to keep quiet, as all of us no doubt wish the president had had the smarts and taste never to do what he did.

Anne Taylor Fleming is a regular essayist for “The NewsHour With Jim Lehrer.”

Sexuality as Power

There are few things more natural than a young woman’s attraction to a man in a position of power. To deny that would be like denying a flower’s longing for light.

But to recognize that the desire is natural is not to say that it doesn’t usually arise from a sense of emptiness on the woman’s part. To a girl who feels powerless in an adult world beyond her control, what could be more thrilling than to suddenly find oneself in possession of a sexuality that can get an important man’s attention?

The more we women equate ourselves with what we see when we look in the mirror, the more vulnerable we are to our own great desire for affirmation from the outside. We can spend a lifetime trying to prove our worth by the men we conquer, but there will always be that insistent, if unarticulated, knowledge on some level that we’re thereby trivializing ourselves and our lives.

Sarah Shapiro is a writer in Jerusalem.