LAUGH LINES

The Holidaze: Only 16 days left till Santa Claus arrives. “Ah yes, it’s that time of year when the most beautiful word in the English language is ‘pre-assembled.’ ” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

And Speaking of Christmas: “The demand for Furbies has gotten so out of hand that over the weekend, one frenzied shopper in Texas picked up what she thought was one of the critters and had it gift wrapped before realizing she had mistakenly grabbed Ross Perot.” (Ira Lawson)

Hard Labor: According to Smart Money magazine, a Disney factory worker in Haiti makes $2.64 a day. “It’s a cheap world after all!” (Jay Leno)

Harder Labor: Despite a November unemployment rate of 4.4%, many large companies are laying off workers, obviously believing that “it’s the season when it’s better to give than receive. Especially when you’re giving out pink slips.” (Premiere Radio)

In Hollywood: Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt has opened a sex boutique on Sunset Boulevard. “It carries lingerie and features a full coffee bar. Hustler, coffee bar . . . kind of gives new meaning to that term ‘bottomless cup of coffee.’ ” (Leno)

Speaking of Hollywood: “A Bug’s Life” was the No. 1 movie again last weekend, with an estimated $17.4 million in ticket sales. “I’m not saying success is going to the bugs’ heads, but today the mosquitoes refused to procreate in swamp water.” (Premiere)

L.A. Law: There’s a new proposal here to fine people who don’t show up for jury duty. They’d fine you $1,500. “It’s probably the only city in the world where they’re harder on the jurors than they are on the criminals.” (Leno)

E.R.: Cindy Crawford was in a car accident in Malibu. “The doctor at the scene said, ‘Sure, Ms. Crawford claims she’s fine, but I’m the doctor here, and I won’t rest until I examine every inch of her body.’ ” (Alex Kaseberg)

Speaking of Politics: Federal Election Commission auditors have recommended that Bill Clinton and Bob Dole’s 1996 presidential campaigns be forced to repay millions of dollars in public funds. “The good news for Elizabeth Dole is, Bob now has to go back to work to drum up the cash. The bad news: That means participating in more Viagra trials.” (Joshua Sostrin)

Vino Fino: 7-Eleven stores have started carrying a selection of 39 wines. “They will also provide customer service by giving suggestions for the proper vintage to serve with jerky.” (Gary Easley)

The Powers: Stefanie Powers is the new spokeswoman for People With Overactive Bladders. “I tried calling to congratulate her but was told she was using the bathroom.” (Wisot)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.