LAUGH LINES

Strange Days: This month, Clinton was impeached and speaker-elect Bob Livingston resigned after admitting he had had an adulterous affair. “How odd. We attack Baghdad, and bombshells fall in Washington.” (Premiere Radio)

Back in the Day: Andrew Johnson was impeached because hard-liners opposed his policy of reconciliation with the South after the Civil War. “Gee, too bad he wasn’t impeached over something important. Like sex.” (Daily Scoop)

Start Building Your Savings: Legoland, dedicated to the Lego line of toys, opens in California early next year. Admission will be $32 for adults and $25 for kids. “At that rate, admission will cost an arm and a Lego.” (Ira Lawson)

Bad Hair Life: A man was recently accused of smashing a window to get at Bill Gates. “Apparently, he was a barber.” (Rudolph J. Cecera)

Recent Developments: Cher and Bette Midler apparently renewed an old feud at a recent benefit. “Apparently their feud goes back 20 years. Which is more than you can say for some of Cher’s body parts.” (Premiere)

Start ‘Em Up: Earning about $200 million for 69 concert dates, the Rolling Stones were among the top concert acts of ’98. “1898.” (Premiere)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.