Punch Lines

Bunnygate: Hugh Hefner and his wife have separated. “I wonder how custody will work out for their two young sons. I’m sure she’s a great mom, but when the boys get to be teenagers they’re gonna be saying, ‘Look Mom, we love you, but we really wanna live with Dad.’ ” (Jay Leno)

* The Beat Goes On: Sonny Bono’s widow will run for his congressional seat. “Her main qualification is that she was married to Sonny. Which is OK, since his main qualification was that he was married to Cher.” (Daily Scoop)

* The Shadow Knows: “Groundhog Day is important for comics. According to legend, if Jay Leno sees the shadow of his own chin, we’ll have at least six more weeks of jokes about President Clinton’s sex life.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

* Poll-ish Joke: American opinion of the president continues to fall. “It’s so bad, even O.J. refused to play golf with him.” (Steve Voldseth)

* Paulagate: President Clinton wants to move up the date for the Paula Jones trial. “Word is she turned down his recent settlement offer: an internship.” (Alan Ray)

* Bimbogate: Gennifer Flowers, reflecting on Clinton’s latest sex scandal, said: “You think the boy would learn.” “Actually, he did learn. If he denies it long enough, people won’t care.” (Daily Scoop)

* Monicagate: Ken Starr subpoenaed records involving Monica Lewinsky’s visits to the White House. “She’s the one person who didn’t have to spend $20,000 to sleep over.” (Daily Scoop)

* Clintonfeld: “Clinton is finally getting wise to the public’s interest in the sex scandal. He’s now demanding $1 million per episode.” (Joe Kevany)

* Unabombshell: Ted Kaczynski admitted guilt in exchange for a life sentence. “OK, but how do you put a schizophrenic in solitary?” (Will Couzin)

* Chick Chat: ABC says Roseanne’s new daytime talk show will debut in September. “Along with the usual couch and desk, the set will include a pin~ata shaped like Tom Arnold.” (Bob Mills)

* Kevorkian Wants the Mailing List: A poll says 10% of Americans would consider assisted suicide. “The percentage would go up if everyone were forced to watch ‘Caroline in the City.’ ” (Cutler On-Line Prep)

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