Punch Lines

El Nino Reigns: “Welcome to Southern California. Or as we call it, ‘Titanic,’ the home game.” (Steve Voldseth)

Nino II: “It rained so hard that emergency crews in the hills above Malibu had to work all night to keep Marlon Brando from sliding down into a neighbor’s house.” (Voldseth)

Will They Plead No Contest? American Family Publishers and its spokesmen Dick Clark and Ed McMahon have been accused of using deceptive tactics to sell magazines through their sweepstakes. “Clark and McMahon knew they were in trouble when they opened their summons and read, ‘If you have the matching court case number, you may already be a defendant.’ ” (Premiere Radio)

Writer’s Block: Sci-fi author Arthur C. Clarke has been accused of pedophilia. “He issued the usual statement after such a charge: ‘Lisa Marie, will you marry me?’ ” (Alan Ray)

Warning! Now Entering Clinton Joke Zone: Monica Lewinsky reportedly visited the White House 37 times in 20 months after leaving to work at the Pentagon. “How does that make poor Al Gore feel? Five years as vice president, he’s seen Clinton twice.” (Jay Leno)

Clinton II: In the past two weeks Clinton’s approval rating has gone up 13 points. “Today, Al Gore announced he’s going to kick off his presidential campaign by sleeping with an intern.” (Conan O’Brien)

Clinton III: “The stock market is up so much you’d think it also had been accused of being with Monica Lewinsky.” (Alex Kaseberg)

Clinton IV: The Denver Broncos were invited to visit the White House to celebrate their Super Bowl win. “But there’s one rule they must remember when entering the Oval Office: Please knock first.” (Argus Hamilton)

Smoke-Free Everglades: Billboards for tobacco will soon be banned in Florida. “They’re being replaced with huge roadside nicotine patches.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Clone Boy: Actor Daniel Baldwin is recovering from a cocaine overdose. “It took doctors two hours just to figure out which Baldwin brother he was.” (Daily Scoop)

Death and Texas: It’s amazing how quickly Hollywood jumped on this Karla Faye Tucker execution. They’re already talking to Danny Glover and Mel Gibson about “Lethal Injection 2.” (Tom Boozan)

* SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.