The Chips Are Down in Lawsuit

Citizens Against Lawsuit Abuse, a Torrance group, reports that a jail inmate has filed a $100,000 claim over a package of tortilla chips.

The petty thief’s lawsuit against San Diego County, first reported in the San Diego Union-Tribune, alleges that his Snacker’s Delight Tortilla Chips “did not contain the Food and Drug Administration’s regulation that stipulates that nutrition facts must be contained on the package.”

I think the “you-can’t-stop-after-eating-one” angle would stand a better chance in court.

HEY, HE CAN TAKE A HINT: In a local drugstore, L. Paul Cook of L.A. found a sign at a closed cash register that seemed to suggest that he was shopping at the wrong people’s establishment (see accompanying).

THE JOB IS ELEMENTARY: “If I Were President for a Day” was the title of an essay contest for the second- and third-grade students of Valerie Ann Williams at San Rafael Elementary School in Pasadena.

A few excerpts:

“In the morning I will get right to work. I will answer letters, fill in papers and I will do my TV talking,” said media-wise President Arielle Robinson.

Whereas some chief executives grow headstrong in office, President Lauren Luttenberger promised that, “in the afternoon, I will read a book called, ‘How to Be a President.’ ”

And then there was Lanisha King, who modestly declined to seek office. “When I’m a big girl I might be a president, but I’m not a big girl yet,” she reasoned.

Summing up the essays, Williams said, “No hints of scandals, but the junk food of choice has changed to Cheetos.”

EX-VALENTINE ITEM? In a weekly newspaper, Jack Levine of North Hollywood noticed that a mint-condition bedroom entry door is among the items for sale (see accompanying).

BUT CAN YOU BRING IN A LEAF BLOWER BACK THERE? Bill Haggarty was at the airport in Detroit where, he discovered, smoking is prohibited, except in the bars. “I asked a bartender if I could buy him a drink because I wanted to smoke, but I don’t drink,” Haggarty related. “The bartender said, ‘Sit down and smoke.’ ”

Concluded Haggarty: “In L.A., you can drink in bars but you can’t smoke. In Detroit, you can smoke and not drink in bars.”

COMMUTERS SOUNDING OFF: To my file of public freeway insults, which includes a HATE405 license plate and a 91 FREEWAY SUCKS bumper sticker, I proudly add two more plates: H8LAFWY (spotted by Richard Lorentz) and 101 H8R (spotted by D.W. Harpold).

TECH, DRECK:You no doubt heard the heartbreaking news that the movement to pay tribute to the Southland’s high-technology industry by formally christening it Tech Coast hit a pothole when it was learned that the moniker had already been trademarked by another group.

So the mayor’s New Media Roundtable has to come up with another title. And Alan Coles of Long Beach is certain that this column’s public-spirited readers can come up with something suitable.

Yes, it’s time for another Only in L.A. contest. The top three selections sent to me by mail, e-mail or fax (please, no phone calls) will win tacky freebies that have been collected over the years by your columnist.

Coles pointed out that the area has long harbored a techy-sounding nickname that was actually a salute to the plastic surgery trade here--”Silicone Coast.”

miscelLAny:

Since leaving his post as sports editor of the Los Angeles Herald Examiner 23 years ago, sports-talk host Bud Furillo has worked for seven radio stations (which is about the national average for the nomads in that trade). Recently, after one ownership change, and one tiff, he worked for three stations in one month. So it was that he and partner Steve Kelly recently planted themselves in the “Found” section of the Palm Springs Desert Sun to announce that they are at KPSI FM/920. They’re between the cocker spaniel ad and the lab mix ad.

Steve Harvey can be reached by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.