Happy Birthday, Mr. Artichoke

Everybody has heard of Marilyn Monroe, but what few people know is that she stepped on her share of artichokes on her way to stardom. The blond bombshell was crowned California Artichoke Queen on Feb. 20, 1948. Now, the California Artichoke Advisory Board is marking this unusual golden anniversary by reminding folks of their proud connection with a woman who allegedly slept with JFK. A CAAB news release even lists Oprah Winfrey, Robert De Niro and John Kennedy Jr. as well-known artichoke lovers. They better make sure that Oprah knows there’s no such thing as Mad Artichoke Disease.

Sperm Alert

Giving yet another reason never to accept sperm from a stranger, a British watchdog group has issued a warning about the dangers of buying sperm over the Internet. The Human Fertility and Embryology Authority cautions that sperm purchased over the Internet probably has not undergone the proper screening tests for such serious diseases as syphilis and hepatitis, and HIV. Also, there’s no way a buyer can be certain if the sperm is good enough to achieve fertilization. Luckily, the watchdog group issued no warning about the dangers of cybersex.

Wake-Up Call

Ever wonder what’s keeping you up at night? It could be your wild party lifestyle or it could be all that caffeine. The Center for Science in the Public Interest is urging the Food and Drug Administration to require food companies to place caffeine content labels on their products. The average cup of coffee contains 135 milligrams of caffeine, and 12-ounce sodas like Coke have 45 milligrams. But until caffeine labels arrive, you and your shaking hands can dial the toll-free number for the manufacturer of your food product and shout into the phone, “What’s the caffeine level?”

Head Cold Protection

Hey, even the tough guys in hockey wear helmets these days, and apparently the thrill seekers on the slopes are finally following suit. Of course as with everything in the winter wonderland of skiing and snowboarding, style is a paramount concern. Briko, a New York-based manufacturer of winter ski helmets, claims its trendy headgear is a “canvas for expression.” Wonder if a “billboard of expression” with the phrase “Outta My Way!!!” wouldn’t be safer?