He Must Have Broken a Commandment

You can watch TV’s “Cops.” For excitement and suspense, I’ll take the Sierra Madre News’ police log any day. Consider this recent bulletin: “A man disrupted a Bible study, used the restroom, then left when he was told he wasn’t allowed to play the piano.”

CAR CULTURE ARTIFACTS: Kate Yarbrough of Santa Barbara found a polite note under her windshield from a motorist who thought she had taken up too much space parking. But what was interesting about the slip of paper was the writing on the other side (see accompanying). Intended for someone named Jenn, the diagram apparently constituted a fast course for a driver unfamiliar with those funny pedals on the floor. Let’s hope Jenn stays off a fast course.

NO RESPECT: Don Grose of L.A. noticed a Presidents Day ad in a catalog that was obviously intended to capitalize on the scandal rumors involving the current occupant of the White House (see accompanying). And don’t forget the Valentine’s Day angle.

OFF-SIDES, TO SAY THE LEAST: The Forum recently notified Kings and Lakers season ticket-holders that there would be no in-and-out privileges during games, except for smokers, who would be allowed into a fenced area outside the building. The rule was instituted so that it would be easier to detect troublemakers in the parking lot.

So what happened?

Howard Cohen of North Hills was at the Forum a few weeks ago when, to his astonishment, he saw an inside troublemaker climb over the plexiglass and jump onto the ice during a Kings-Ducks game. In case you’re wondering, the hooligan’s life was spared by the stick-wielding, helmeted creatures on the ice.

L.A.--IT’S EVERYWHERE! When writer Hugh Ryono told a woman at a bar in New Orleans that he was born and raised in L.A., she responded, “Really. I didn’t take you for a Southern gentleman.”

She thought he meant Louisiana (La.) or, perhaps, Lower Alabama.

L.A., Ryono discovered has other, more colorful meanings too.

“A visitor who is described as ‘Looking for L.A.’ in the French Quarter is a tourist who is looking for ‘Loose Activities’ on the streets,” he said. “An ‘L.A.’ guest at a hotel means a ‘Late Arrival’ to check in.” And then he added, there was the police description of a tourist as “L.A.,” meaning “the visitor had ‘Little Awareness’ of his surroundings from too much drink. This is a person who has the potential to naively wander off the safe main streets of the French Quarter and into the dangerous back alleys and side streets.”

Or onto the Forum ice.

SALOON WITH AN ATTITUDE: I mentioned that Critters, a Hermosa Beach bar, put up a sign that said “Happy Hour Prices During All Car Chases.” A colleague points out that a few years ago, the same joint displayed this sign: “O.J. Trial NOT Shown Here!”

miscelLAny

“A leading candidate for Stupid Cupid of the Year is, well, me,” writes John Beyrooty. “After listening to all those radio commercials telling us not to forget our ‘significant other’ on Valentine’s Day, I went and bought flowers, candy and a beautiful card for my ‘significant other.’ Problem is, my wife, Gail, found out. Boy, is she steamed.” He’s kidding, he’s kidding.