You Won’t Catch Him Asking, ‘Tennis Anyone?’

You have a sense that a fortnight at Wimbledon is a bit long when you read the Chicago Tribune quoting Andre Agassi as saying, “I’m not out here for my health,” and then columnist Bernie Lincicome opining:

“Health is, after all, the only excuse for tennis, otherwise it is just brats with bank accounts and enlarged forearms. And they have been assembled again . . . to endure the agony of grass, which was irritably and recently identified by Chilean Marcelo Rios as only ‘fit for cows.’

“From my limited experience with farm animals, I would think it more suitable for sheep, though I would not be surprised if the relentless marketers of all things Wimbledon might top the clippings with chutney sauce and sell it in the food stalls as an All England salad, for a modest ransom, of course.”

Yep, about time to come home.

*

Trivia time: Who was the first golfer to amass more than $1 million in a year in official earnings?

*

This space for sale: In the Boston Globe, NASCAR mogul Bill France Jr. was happy to suggest how the NBA could market its game:

“I’d make the players wear long-sleeve shirts and pants with logos all over them. Can you imagine Dennis Rodman selling space on his uniform?”

With Rodman, who needs long-sleeve shirts?

*

Close enough: The Sporting News has declared Detroit the top sports city in America, with the publication’s President Jim Nuckols telling folks there, “When you think about it, Detroit has been a little selfish,” then reeling off championships won by the Red Wings and Michigan’s hockey and football teams.

Applying that kind of logic--the University of Michigan is in Ann Arbor--apparently Los Angeles has a chance next year if the San Diego Padres win the World Series.

*

Help wanted: When Everton, a Liverpool team in the English Premier League, dismissed its coach, then was turned down by two others who were offered the job, the club advertised in the Daily Mail for a replacement with “a proven track record at the highest level.”

Most people with that kind of record read the classifieds, you know.

*

Good question: Chris Zelkovich asks in the Toronto Star: “Why does every sportscaster use the word ‘nil’ in World Cup scores when they wouldn’t use it for any other sport?”

*

Trivia answer: Curtis Strange, who led the 1988 money list with $1,147,644.

*

And finally: In the first inning Sunday at Atlanta, Toronto first baseman Chris Delgado called time and walked to the mound to calm down Chris Carpenter, who had loaded the bases and was behind in the count to Ryan Klesko, 2-0.

Said Delgado, “I just told him he’s got a lot of good baseball left. I told him, ‘Hold them here and we’ll get you some runs.’ ”

Whereupon Klesko hit the next pitch up the middle for a single and two RBIs.