Punch Lines

California Dreamin’: Bill and Hillary Clinton spent all weekend in California for family time with Chelsea. “It was sweet. Their favorite family ritual is to sit at the dinner table, join hands, close their eyes and rehearse the story.” (Argus Hamilton)

Shake Your Groove Thing: This week has been deemed National Herb Week. “For all you music fans, National Peaches Week isn’t until August.” (Jerry Perisho)

Mouseketeers: A cancer research center announced its discovery of two drugs that kill all forms of cancer in rats. “They said human trials will begin next year. Wasting no time, the rats just hired Johnnie Cochran.” (Hamilton)

A Dicey Increase: ABC News is examining the dramatic increase in casino gambling in America. “It’s huge. A Harvard study says Americans spend $32 billion a year on games of chance, and that’s not including weddings and elections.” (Hamilton)

Tickle Me Marv: A researcher at Bowling Green University found that rats like to be tickled. And to show their appreciation, they bite the tickler. “As we all know, there is research showing that tickling often leads to biting. Just ask the women Marv Albert dates.” (Perisho)

Sein Off: Astronomers at the University of Hawaii have discovered a small galaxy 1.23 billion light-years from Earth that’s the most distant object ever seen. “NBC has confirmed that it’s the only galaxy that won’t receive the final episode of ‘Seinfeld.’ ” (Bob Mills)

The Naked Truth: Mary Kay Letourneau’s young lover claims he once sketched her in the nude. “Yeah, in fact, it took a whole box of Crayolas.” (Rudolph J. Cecera)

Canine Crime: Oklahoma state troopers had to subdue a drug suspect after he bit a police dog during his arrest. “Police apparently controlled the man by slapping him on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper and saying, ‘Bad suspect! Bad!’ ” (Premiere Radio)

I Love Wilma: Scientists have uncovered evidence that prehistoric man may have spoken tens of thousands of years sooner than previously thought. “The evidence is found in a cave painting of the first prehistoric woman saying, ‘So, whatcha thinkin’?’ ” (Steve Voldseth)

Smoke Alarm: Liggett Group Inc. has decided to help the Justice Department go after its fellow tobacco companies. “When asked why he did it, parent company Chairman Bennett LeBow said, ‘Just for a Lark.’ ” (Paul Steinberg)

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