Calling All Monsters Hiding in the Closet

The latest urban folk tale making the rounds in this area concerns a woman who phoned an exterminator to report that something was “growling” in her bedroom closet. Then, according to the story passed along to me by Ernest Fujimura, a technician is dispatched to the scene only to find that the noisy creature was “her husband’s pager, which was in the closet, set on ‘vibrate.’ In her panic, she kept paging him, which of course kept setting it off.”

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HIGH-STEPPING KIND OF GUY: A man was observed climbing over a resident’s fence in Cypress, then climbing back to the street side, the Los Alamitos News-Enterprise’s police log reports. His explanation? He “had accidentally thrown his shoe over the fence and went after it.”

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FOOD FOR THOUGHT: For those who shun turkey on Thanksgiving, here’s your Only in L.A. Alternative Dining Guide (see accompanying). The delicacies range from lumpy filet (spotted, but not recommended, by Bob Steinbrinck), some beans with bite (submitted by Clover Butte), and a place that seems to offer “electroencephalograms (EEGS) to check one’s brains for visiting the restaurant,” in the words of Ingrid Ralston. In the wonders of science category, Walter Heuman came across a meal “made from 100% boneless skinless poultry” (one wonders how the little chicken was able to walk or stand the cold). And, finally, for those of you on a diet, John Wright observed that you can apparently now buy “photo donuts.” (see photo)

Is that my stomach growling, or my pager?

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MY FRIEND BILL SAYS . . . : One of the main speakers at the Dec. 3 Real Estate Summit conference in downtown L.A. will be Democratic Party strategist James Carville. Maybe he can dispense some tips picked up by President Clinton via the Whitewater deal.

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BREAKING SNOOZE: Henry Glowa was working out at his health club about 6:20 a.m. when he noticed that the three television sets in the room, each turned to different local news shows, each flashed “Breaking News.” What, Glowa wondered, could it be--something to do with the Mideast situation, Boris Yeltsin’s health or . . . ? No, it was the demolition of two buildings at the Long Beach Naval Station. “Is a timed, calculated implosion--planned for weeks or months--really a ‘breaking news’ story?” Glowa asked.

The demolition was delayed for several minutes, unfortunately for one of the stations. “Someone must have a grudge against Channel 2,” Glowa said, “because the plunger was pressed just as KCBS went to commercial break.”

Thank goodness for instant replay!

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FALLING STAR: The L.A. Downtown News notes that all did not go well when “Entertainment Tonight” hostess Mary Hart, a big L.A. Kings fan, was presented with a “Plaza Star” to be displayed in front of the new Staples Center. As the star was being unveiled it fell to the ground, breaking into several pieces. The Kings will bring that kind of luck to anybody.

miscelLAny:

In case you’re wondering, the marriage of Newport Beach’s Dennis Rodman to actress Carmen Electra--which lasted an estimated 10 hours--did not break the record for shortest union of two celebs. While the Guinness Book of World Records is silent on this issue, the quickest uncoupling is believed to have been that of actress Robin Givens and her former tennis coach. They were splitsville after seven minutes. It apparently wasn’t a love match, after all.

Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.