A Bright Side to Human ‘Flaws’

In “The Dark Side of Light Chasers” (Riverhead Books, 184 pages, $21.95), Debbie Ford writes about our shadow side, the part of ourselves we’d like to change. It is a popular topic on the self-help shelf lately. After all, as Carl Jung taught us, even good people have less than perfect habits.

Ford reassures readers that there is life after fear, anger, selfishness and all the other too-human traits most people would like to keep hidden. Her book offers how-to instructions for putting foibles to good use, based on seminars she leads at the Chopra Center for Well Being in La Jolla.

But first, a bit about the author. As a child, Ford writes, “I was told, don’t be angry, don’t be selfish, don’t be mean, don’t be greedy.” If she slipped, she’d lie about it, until one day she realized she was lying even to herself. “My dream was to be perfect in order to be loved,” she explains.

As she uncorks familiar imperfections, she salves them with doses of basic wisdom.

“Within ourselves we possess every trait and its polar opposite. If you are weak, then seek out its opposite and find your strength. If you are ruled by fear, go inside and find your courage.”

She doesn’t claim to have solutions for serial killers. Her real-life examples are the everyday sort. In one seminar, she recalls, “Mike” described himself as an idiot. She asked him to close his eyes and name one positive thing about being an idiot. “Determination,” he said.

Recommendations for change include meditations so the “sacred” and “shadowy” sides in us can make peace. Reinterpreting old messages from parents, teachers and friends can offer another perspective: What sounded nasty at the time might not seem so bad after all.

The serious reformer should visualize a better future, then write a mission statement.

“Things in your life that are inconsistent with the future you desire should be noted,” writes Ford. “Then you can begin to make a plan to eliminate them.”

With Ford as the guide, the road to change seems manageable. Personality quirks start to sound downright lovable. “Some people wear a layer of toughness that hides their sensitivity, or a mask of humor to cover up their sadness,” Ford writes. “People who know it all are usually covering up feelings of stupidity, those who act arrogantly have yet to reveal their insecurity.”

Who couldn’t forgive such a know-it-all?