Necessary Kindness

Exciting, unpredictable, a little scary--the first day of school is all those, whether you’re a novice kindergartner or a veteran principal. But for some, the experience means sheer dread. Those are the kids who are a little different in some way, who live with their differentness every day but know that a new group of acquaintances is sure to mean taunting, maybe fights, probably tears.

Many, many kids know this fear. Chubby or skinny, short or tall, with glasses or braces or wheelchair or asthma inhaler, with unusual accent or complexion or any of a hundred other characteristics that set them apart from what they imagine might be “normal,” as if such a thing exists.

For one Ventura County kindergartner, at least, the teasing has ended--thanks to the generosity of a local plastic surgeon.

Five-year-old Sean Landaverde was born with a congenital condition known as prominent ears, so prominent that taunts and jeers from his preschool peers made his young life miserable. According to his mother, the teasing left Sean frustrated, sad and angry. He withdrew from his classmates and would even repeat their taunts, saying “I’m Dumbo.”

Eventually, his parents decided that the only thing that could make Sean’s life bearable was corrective surgery. But their health maintenance organization refused to pay the $4,000 cost of otoplasty, an operation to reshape the cartilage in his ears. HMO officials considered such surgery an unnecessary cosmetic luxury. Shame on them.

Through the California Society of Plastic Surgeons Alliance, a volunteer organization that helps raise funds to support corrective surgery and therapy for needy California children, the family found Simi Valley plastic surgeon Edward Pechter, who agreed to donate his services to help Sean look more like other kids.

And so, if all goes well, by the time he joins the rest of the 5-year-olds in kindergarten next week Sean’s ears will look pretty much like theirs. Whatever other challenges, rivalries, friendships and arguments await him, they will be over something else.

Anyone who ever had to endure cruel taunts over looking different can share Sean’s relief and his family’s gratitude to Dr. Petcher and the alliance. It is wonderful that Sean’s life can be so transformed with a few expert nips and tucks.

If only there were such a simple solution to the real ugliness in this situation: the age-old tendency of kids to unmercifully pick on those who are different.

The cure for that begins at home, with parents who teach empathy and respect in their words actions as well as their words. It continues at school, with programs that say yes to kids of every shape, size and quirk but say no to unfairness and cruelty.