LAUGH LINES

Ready, Aim, Fire: Recent polls show a growing number of Americans are in favor of sending ground troops to Kosovo. “And it should be noted that 100% of those polled are not in the armed forces.” (Colin Quinn)

Ready, Aim, Fire II: Over the weekend, President Clinton took a day off from the Kosovo crisis and played golf at Camp David. “After a round, a refreshed president told reporters, ‘You know, O.J.’s right. This game does take your mind off killing people.’ ” (Quinn)

Doing Their Part: Several actors took part in a New York rally opposing Serb leader Slobodan Milosevic. “Y’know, when Tim Robbins and Vanessa Redgrave get involved, can a solution be far off?” (Craig Kilborn)

That Figures: Los Angeles is no longer among the top 10 cities with the highest number of auto thefts. “The decline is attributed to savvier drivers, more law enforcement and the fact that thieves can no longer afford to pay $1.59 a gallon for gas for the stolen cars.” (Paul Ecker)

Let It Be: Pope John Paul II’s CD is a hit. “He’s gone gold in Chile, platinum in Poland, double platinum in Argentina, but there’s been some controversy. In all the excitement over sales, the pope said, ‘I’m bigger than the Beatles.’ ” (Jay Leno)

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