LAUGH LINES

In the News: The family of the suspected railway serial killer is upset that he may get the death penalty in Texas. “They didn’t realize that? You get the death penalty for ripping the label off your mattress in Texas!” (Jay Leno)

Silly Science: According to the Learning Channel, the average human being grows a total of 590 miles of hair in a lifetime. “Of course, your actual mileage may vary.” (Ira Lawson)

Silly Science II: A geologist’s ashes were on board the Lunar Prospector spacecraft, which crashed into the moon. “I know this is giving people ideas. Like, if men are from Mars, why can’t we return them when we’re done with them?” (Daily Scoop)

What’s That Smell?: Crowds recently flocked to San Marino to see a rare plant with a very bad odor. “Big deal, we’ve been smelling the same aroma from Dodger Stadium and Edison Field since April.” (Gary Moore)

Novel Recovery: Healing from his accident, Stephen King says he can write up to 90 minutes a day. “In fact, just this week, he finished two books and a screenplay.” (Daily Scoop)

Changing Channels: USA Networks announced its science-fiction channel will produce a pilot for a TV version of “The Invisible Man.” “It ought to be easy to cast the lead. No one’s seen David Caruso since he left ‘NYPD Blue.’ ” (Argus Hamilton)

What a Ride: Disney’s planning to build a theme park in China. “I can already hear the theme song--’It’s a big world after all. It’s a big world after all.’ ” (Andrew Wisot)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A., CA 90053.