LAUGH LINES

It Is the Heat: Los Angeles is sweltering through typical August temperatures. “I was sweating like Dan Quayle on ‘Jeopardy!’ ” (Jay Leno)

More Weather Woes: Drought conditions mean a higher than normal danger of forest fires on the Eastern Seaboard. “The woods are so dry, the Secret Service has prohibited smoking within 50 feet of Al Gore.” (Bob Mills)

On the Campaign Trail: Michael Bolton reportedly told Hillary Clinton he’d do anything to help her Senate campaign. “So she immediately asked him to endorse Mayor Giuliani.” (Conan O’Brien)

On the Move: O.J. Simpson told “Extra” that he and his kids are living in a hotel near an L.A. freeway by choice. “Of course O.J. wants to be near a freeway. They’re great for those quick getaways. (Or not-so-quick getaways, as the case may be.)” (Daily Scoop)

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Daily Scoop’s Essential

List of the Day

New programs on the upcoming AOL TV channel:

* “Chat Room 222”

* “Two Guys, a Girl and a Modem”

* “Keyword, She Typed”

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.