LAUGH LINES

On the Campaign Trail: Commenting on George W. Bush’s response to drug rumors, Dan Quayle said he’s proud of everything he did before he was 40. “What a terrific attitude. Grade-school graduation is always a tremendous accomplishment, no matter how long it takes.” (Argus Hamilton)

Way Off the Campaign Trail: Bill Clinton remembers that when he first met Hillary he had just gotten out of another relationship and was worried that he would fall in love with Hillary. “Boy was he glad to learn that falling in love wouldn’t cramp his dating style.” (Daily Scoop)

Speaking of the President: Bill Clinton announced he’s setting aside $1 billion in taxpayers’ money to buy up land for the U.S. Park Service. “Oh, great. Now we’re all partners with Clinton in a land deal.” (Jay Leno)

Happy Birthday?: Former “Cheers” actress Shelley Long turned 50 this week. “Kind of an embarrassing moment at her birthday party--she stepped outside for a minute and when she tried to come back in, she’d been replaced by Kirstie Alley.” (Steve Voldseth)

It Figures: An American tourist was rescued after spending six weeks wandering around the Australian desert. “See, men? See what happens when you don’t just stop and ask directions.” (Leno)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.