Resisting a Response That Could Backfire

Doug Hays was on the Glendale Freeway “when some guy driving an oversized pickup truck cuts me off. I’m about to lay on the horn and give him half of the victory sign when I spot his bumper sticker: ‘My President is Charlton Heston.’ ”

The reference to the National Rifle Assn. leader “made me quickly come to my senses, realizing this guy might be Dirty Harry and I could make his day.”

EASTER TREES? Stores often advertise specials on Christmas cards and gift wrapping after the holiday. But until I received a clipping from Ellen Pearson I never knew that there were businesses selling Christmas trees after Christmas (see accompanying).

ANOTHER DOOMSDAY WARNING: I guess we’ll see more and more of these with the year 2000 approaching. Chris Carnicelli noticed this end-of-the-world pronouncement on a ticket stub for the new James Bond movie (see accompanying). Actually, I think the end came when ticket prices were hiked above $5.

DATING GAME STATS: Results of a survey conducted by It’s Just Lunch, a dating service in L.A. and Newport Beach:

* On a first date, the majority of men make up their mind in 15 minutes about whether they’re interested in a woman. Women take an average of 60 minutes.

* Men prefer a first date to last 30 to 60 minutes while women prefer 60 to 90 minutes.

* Ninety-four percent of men and 81% of women said they do not date co-workers. But 40% of men and 38% of women admitted having done so.

* The chances that one of the participants on a first date will ask for a second date after 24 hours: 1 in 8.

* Seventy percent of women and 64% of men prefer meeting for lunch or drinks as a first date. Most women prefer lunch; most men prefer drinks. Most men aren’t very subtle.

ADVENTURES IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE: Some excerpts from the oddly written reports of health workers collected by Ed Schlossman for the Communique, the newsletter of the National Assn. of School Psychologists:

* He likes to assist with extra household chores. He likes to sweep and throw the trash.

* (She) is functioning in the upper limits of the lower extreme to the mid-range of the well-below-average range intellectually when her scores are compared with those of her peers.

* (He) manages very well to ambulate using crotches.

* He reported that he once shook the hand of President Clinton. The mother said that (he) initially had no reaction to the experience but later “went nuts.”

* Ms. Jane Doe reports to have a good and healthy relationship with her living boyfriend.

As Schlossman commented about the last report, “When you’re alive, conversation is easier.”

miscelLAny:

When the first of two small earthquakes struck the Hollywood Hills on Tuesday morning, some people in the area were mildly shaken--but not reporter Robin Johnson of KFWB-AM (980). She told listeners: “We didn’t feel it.” Which is one of the advantages of reporting traffic from a helicopter.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com