COLLEGE BASKETBALL TOP TO BOTTOM
No. School (Record)): Comment
1. Michigan State (7-1): Get well soon, Mateen, we really need you. Sort of.
2. Connecticut (6-1): No truth players’ title rings bought from gum-ball machine.
3. Stanford (5-0): Pity what tough academic standards have done to this program.
4. Cincinnati (6-0): Best show in town since WKRP.
5. Florida (5-1): Donovan assures Spurrier he won’t lose to Alabama twice.
6. Arizona (6-1): Freshmen finally let guards down in loss to UConn.
7. Kansas (6-1): Dust in the wind. All we are is dust in the wind.
8. North Carolina (6-2): OK, we’ve had it with the Weber St. jokes.
9. UCLA (3-0): Eager to hear NCAA tournament stories from Gonzaga.
10. Syracuse (7-0): Need injured C Etan Thomas in one piece before Big East opener.
11. Ohio State (2-1): One of the few schools to lose to Notre Dame this year.
12. Duke (5-2): Coach K complains of expensive after-school care for freshmen.
13. Auburn (4-1): OVER-RATED, clap, clap, clap-clap-clap.
14. Indiana (5-0): Knight hunting mishap obviously a brilliant motivational ploy.
15. Tennessee (7-0): Played Elon, Long Island. Who’s next, Coney Island?
16. Texas (4-2): Rooting for Stanford in Rose Bowl after hoops loss to Wisconsin.
17. Temple (3-2): Team has no pep without Pepe.
18. DePaul (5-2): Next national anthem to be sung by DePeter, DePaul and DeMary.
19. Oklahoma State (6-0): Nonconference schedule softer than Kansas St. football.
20. Gonzaga (4-2): Sold to recruits as a WCC team with an ACC schedule.
21. Wake Forest (5-0): It has been a slow crawl back from Tim Duncan era.
22. Illinois (4-2): Look at losses to Maryland/Duke as character builders.
23. Kentucky (4-3): How many more days until the Kentucky Derby?
24. Purdue (4-2): Nearly a case of the yips against the Akron Zips.
25. Maryland/Winthrop (7-2/4-2): Terps must share spot after harrowing OT win.
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