LAUGH LINES

At the Newsstand: President Clinton is furious with People magazine for a story on his daughter. “Up until now, there’s been an unwritten agreement between the president and the press. They’ll leave his daughter alone if he’ll leave their daughters alone.” (Jay Leno)

At the Newsstand II: “Bill and Hillary Clinton say they’d give up on the press altogether if it wasn’t for the good, decent people at Hustler.” (Colin Quinn)

How Thoughtful: Dan Quayle turned 52. “If you’re looking to get him something for his birthday, you can’t go wrong with a clue.” (Leno)

Faking It: In Beverly Hills, merchants are protesting a ballot measure that would require fur products to carry a label explaining how the animals were killed. The merchants say the measure would cut sales of real furs and boost the market in synthetics. “The last thing we want in Beverly Hills is a bunch of phonies.” (LaMonte Laments)

The Name Game: A New York grand jury has cleared rapper Ol’ Dirty Bastard of attempted murder charges. “Whew! Thank goodness he’s got his good name back.” (Steve Voldseth)

Fast Forward: Linda Tripp will be interviewed on Friday’s “Today” show. “Yes, the interview will be taped. Why do you ask?” (Daily Scoop)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.