LAUGH LINES

Trying Times: The impeachment trial is coming to an end. “It’s too bad they’re going to finish it up, because Chief Justice Rehnquist is just two weeks away from another gold stripe.” (David Letterman)

Flashback: NBC aired a miniseries about the era of antiwar protests, casual drug use and the free love movement. “The miniseries was called ‘The ‘60s,’ or, as President Clinton calls it, ‘Roots.’ ” (Argus Hamilton)

See How It’s Done: For the TV miniseries “The ‘60s,” NBC condensed a decade of free love into a four-hour presentation. “Why couldn’t Congress do that?” (Steve Voldseth)

Happy Holidays: Sunday is Valentine’s Day and Monday is Presidents Day. “Hey, isn’t one holiday for lovers enough?” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Happy Holidays II: Congress is trying to avoid it, but the vote on the verdict in the president’s impeachment trial could come on Lincoln’s birthday. “When Strom Thurmond heard this, he said, ‘Abe’s here? I haven’t seen him in years. My God, I can’t believe it.’ ” (Voldseth)

Eight Is Too Much: Dan Quayle made a campaign appearance with the Houston octuplets. “Quayle had only one question. ‘Why are they called octuplets? I thought they were born in December.’ ” (Alex Kaseberg)

Up in the Air: An airline passenger bill of rights has been proposed. “For example, you have the right to food that is recognizable.” (Daily Scoop)

Ouch: Actress Roz Kelly, best known for playing Pinky Tuscadero on “Happy Days,” was charged with shooting up her neighborhood after a car alarm kept going off. “She’s now known as Potshotsy.” (Daily Scoop)

Easy Money: A study says that every person who becomes a problem gambler costs society about $3,000 a year. “Now, I would have given you 3 to 1 that it would be more than that.” (Kaseberg)

Doctor, Doctor: The Florida surgeon who amputated the wrong leg of a patient has been given clearance to practice again. “Sounds like he needs lots of practice.” (Daily Scoop)

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The Essential

David Letterman

Top things dumb guys think Y2K is:

10. That adorable little robot from “Star Wars.”

9. The main ingredient in Slim Jims.

8. Something Robert Downey Jr. smokes.

7. The all-girl version of ‘N Sync.

6. Nickname of Dallas Cowboys linebacker Ray Whytwokayowicz.

4. I don’t know, but I think Puff Daddy produced his album.

3. That stuff in Chinese food that makes you sleepy.

1. That annoying song by the Village People.

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