Hey, didn’t you used to be the World Champion Twinks?

Fresh from the Rumorama (where the featured dish is fresh off a hot stove): Now that Barry Larkin’s got the range of an oak tree (or worse, Walt Weiss), his former skip’d love to have him playin’ hot corner up Seattle way. But what’re the prospects of the M’s havin’ enough to pry him from the dReds’ cold, dead fingers?

Threepeat after Fly: Buzz outta Motown is even though the Wings can mail in the Central crown, the roster’s waaay too soft for a title run. Target-o-longing looks is Mark Tinordi, whose Caps (our motto: “Why, yes, that was us in the Stanley Cup finals last year”) don’t know what to do with good players anymore.

Yeah, yeah, Ricky Williams may be the best two-sport player who couldn’t hit the yacker since MJ, but the Spies say that if yer lookin’ for a player who’ll fill grandstands insteada bein’ one, then U. of Arizona QB/Jays minor leaguer Keith Smith’s yer (Rule 5) choice.

Now that they’ve all but bow-wowed outta Motown-n-K.C., mark down Scott Mitchell and Elvis Grbac as the front-runners to keep the QB job warm till Tim Couch is ready to raise the woof in coach Gary QB-ak’s new Brownies offense.

Speaking of QB dish, Fly hears Gints suits, notably mum in the Kent Graham discussion, aren’t overtly concerned they might lose clipboard-carrier Mike Cherry as a restricted F.A., but p-p-privately they’re worried he’ll slip away and turn into the next Mark Brunell.

Holidaze or no, the silence has been deafening deepinthehearta since Kevin Brown’s nine-figure deal. The Rangers, who hold option on their AL MVP for the 2000 season, were expectin’ Igor’s agent to come poundin’ on the door for Juan huh-yuge contract extension, but ‘he’s not pushing at all,’ GM Doug Melvin says. Gee, makes Fly think (shaddup!) that a push toward free agency may be in the future.

The Spies say that whoever inherits the Chargers job is gonna find that his young QB hasn’t exactly turned over a new Leaf. Teammates say that since bein’ benched early on, he’s responded . . . by bein’ late for meetings, sleepin’ in others and usin’ practice to work on his motion, as in “goin’ through the” not “throwin’.”

Speaking of the Chargers job, call it in the air: Heads it’s Bob Toledo, tails it’s Terry Donahue.

Finally, the Spies say strollin’ with Nolan’s takin’ on new meaning, with Arkansas playin’ at 33 1/3. The halfcourt game with jump shooters like Pat Bradley may make sense for the talent on board (bored?), but, hmmm, about those 3,000 Hog fans per game dressed up in empty-seat suits. . . .