LAUGH LINES

Tim-ber!: With the president facing a Senate trial, “Vice President Al Gore has been stoic through all of this, but then again, he’s been stoic through everything. Just ask Tipper.” (Michael Feldman)

Remember When: Under the Constitution, if President Clinton goes, something happens to Al Gore and there is no speaker of the House named, the next guy in line is 96-year-old Sen. Strom Thurmond. “This is the closest he’s been to the top spot since Ben Franklin was out in a storm messing with that kite.” (Bill Williams)

On the Plus Side: Senators won’t be allowed to talk if there’s a Clinton trial. “All the more reason to have one.” (Premiere Radio)

At the Ballot Box: Former Ku Klux Klan leader David Duke says he’ll run for the seat being vacated by Bob Livingston. “If the GOP won’t nominate him, Duke is threatening to be a write-in candidate--which is not much of a threat. A write-in campaign only works if your supporters know how to write.” (Jay Leno)

Game Over: Five NFL coaches were fired last week. “Owners ran a sweep right and a sweep left.” (The Daily Scoop)

Game Over II: “Who knew the NFL sack leaders would be the owners?” (Daily Scoop)

Game Over III: “Caught up in the excitement, Yankees owner George Steinbrenner announced he was firing Billy Martin.” (Jerry Perisho)

What a Pill: Federal regulators have approved a drug to treat narcolepsy, a disorder in which people suddenly nod off during the day no matter how much sleep they get at night. “The manufacturer says the drug can also be used by audience members at any speech by Al Gore.” (Mark Wheeler)

Anticipation: David Hasselhoff is planning to open a chain of “Baywatch”-themed restaurants. “I understand that once you get there, it’s about a three-hour wait. Not to get a table, for the slow-running ‘Baywatch’ waitresses to finally bring you the food.” (Andrew Wisot)

Anticipation II: “The ‘Baywatch’ restaurant policy will be: No shirt, no shoes, no silicone, no service!” (Williams)

A Slam Dunk: A new report says the average person keeps a New Year’s resolution for only 1.8 months. “With Dennis Rodman, it’s 1.8 days.” (Earl Hochman)

That’s Cold: Because of ice storms, parts of the South had no power for days. “Clinics and generators have been set up at local shelters to help those suffering from e-mail withdrawal.” (Daily Scoop)

Up in the Air: Four swans were escorted from Ohio to Indiana by a man in an ultralight aircraft in an attempt to teach the birds to retrace the route from Canada to an Indiana wildlife refuge next spring. “Wouldn’t it just be easier to book them on a flight every year?” (Wheeler)

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Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.