Just When You Can’t Sink Any Lower . . .

When the Harveys visited a Long Beach restaurant, my daughter asked for one of her favorite waiters. “Oh, he’s not here anymore,” a waitress said. “He’s at rock bottom.” I was momentarily stunned by her matter-of-fact answer about our poor friend. What a cold world this is becoming, I thought. Then my wife pointed out that the waitress hadn’t meant he was at rock bottom, but at Rock Bottom, the name of another restaurant.

*

A LOS ANGELYNE CELEBRATION: Only 352 days to go until New Year’s Eve, so I’m gratified at all the suggestions from readers on how L.A. could hold its own end-of-the-year bash instead of watching three-hour-old reruns of Dick Clark and the big ball falling in Times Square.

Some of the proposals:

* “How about rigging all of the ‘Angelyne’ billboards to pop her top at midnight?” (Keith England)

* A concert on the Santa Monica Pier climaxed by “a fake earthquake crumbling a giant mock HOLLYWOOD sign to the sounds of Strauss’ “Also Sprach Zaruthustra” (from the movie “2001: A Space Odyssey”) (Jennifer Campana)

* “We all go downtown, stare at our watches until midnight, scream, ‘Happy New Year,’ and then get in line at the Pantry. It should be the only thing open at that hour.” (Gary Patterson)

I’ll go if Angelyne promises to be there.

*

FOOD FOR THOUGHT: Jacqueline Starr of Palm Desert contributed today’s colorful menu item, a light meal that could be tough to digest.(see accompanying)

*

SLOGANS IN METER: When I said that the city’s Parking Enforcement Bureau had no motto, my brain must have been parked in a vacant space. It’s “Keeping L.A. Moving.” (I’ll pause here until the applause dies down.) Still, I prefer the alternate slogans submitted by readers:

* “To Write and Cite” (Tom Armor)

* “To Collect and Serve” (Lisalee Anne Wells)

And my favorite:

* “To Deject and Unnerve” (Joel Elkins)

*

HASN’T THE FINAL GUN SOUNDED? As The Times reported the other day, Raiders owner Al Davis--and his lawyers--contend that the team still has the territorial rights to L.A. Which explains why you can still see Raider blurbs on some taxis and MTA buses, and why there’s a new billboard campaign. The new signs are more impressive (see file photo of old sign), but then how could they not be?

*

ROAD RAGE (CONT.): Sara Meric of Santa Monica saw an ad for a Rolls-Royce Silver ‘Wrath’ (see accompanying). I suspect it was supposed to say “Wraith” because you don’t see many wrathful Rolls-Royce drivers. Some Raiders might fall into the latter category, however.

miscelLAny:

Before each presidential election, Glendale-based Baskin-Robbins names special flavors after the candidates for an ice cream poll. The custom seems to be spreading. Now, I’m seeing suggestions on the Internet for the Official Flavor of the Clinton trial. (Subpoena-colada is my favorite.)

Baskin-Robbins is avoiding this issue, so perhaps the contest should be headquartered at a site with a more appropriate name: Rock Bottom, for instance.

Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.