It Would Be Safer if Crockett, Tubbs Were Still on Streets

Woody Paige of the Denver Post trashing Miami, the site of Super Bowl XXXIII: “Miami, where the slogan is: ‘Your CD player, your money and your life. . . . ‘

“But tourist deaths are down 12% in 1999. Only one Canadian and a Panamanian visitor have been murdered so far. It’s early.”

Paige offers 15 tips when visiting Miami, but his first tells it all as far as he’s concerned:

“Don’t go. Is it worth losing your life to attend a sporting event? Scalpers are getting upward of $4,250, and that’s just in the strong-armed-robberies.

“Tickets? If the guy says it’s a 50-yard line seat and shows you a ticket hand-printed in black and white, just give him the money.”

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Trivia time: Who is the only player to win the Super Bowl most-valuable-player award while playing on the losing team?

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He owns them: Phil Collier in the San Diego Union-Tribune: “New Dodger Kevin Brown may not be worth the $105 million the Dodgers will pay him over the next seven seasons, but Mark McGwire and Barry Bonds might argue he is.

“McGwire is .156 lifetime vs. Brown, with 15 strikeouts in 45 at-bats. Bonds is .143 lifetime against the departed Padre.”

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Apathy: Joe Knowles in the Chicago Tribune: “With all the local comings-and-goings-on, the Super Bowl isn’t creating much of a buzz in Chicago.

“Of course, it probably would be a lot different if we had an actual NFL franchise here.”

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Who’s laughing now: USA Today reports that Pat Bowlen, the Denver Bronco owner, who once fired Dan Reeves, sent this note to his former coach earlier this season:

“Congratulations on your 5-1 start. I’m really pleased for you. Keep it up. Maybe we’ll meet in the Super Bowl! Ha ha.”

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Aw, shucks: With Michael Jordan in retirement, Ahmad Rashad won’t be providing all those in-depth stories about him.

Wrote Shaun Powell in the Sporting News: “Now we’ll just have to guess where Jordan ate dinner and played golf.”

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FYI: The record low round on the LPGA tour is 61, shot by Se Ri Pak on a par-71 course last July. The Senior PGA Tour record is 60 by Isao Aoki in 1997 on a par-70 course.

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Trivia answer: Linebacker Chuck Howley of the Dallas Cowboys in the 1971 Super Bowl won by the Baltimore Colts, 16-13.

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And finally: Chris Carter, creator and executive producer of “The X-Files,” told TV critics in Pasadena that Agent Scully is named for long-time Dodger broadcaster Vin Scully.

The trouble is, the real Scully says he has never watched “The X-Files.”

“I’m aware of that,” Carter said. “My mom used to go to sleep listening to Vin Scully with her transistor in her ear. He was the voice of my childhood.”