LAUGH LINES

Symbolic Gesture: Sen. Robert Byrd called for a vote to end the presidential impeachment trial. “Looks like the Democrats gave the Republicans the Byrd.” (Chris Pina)

Thanks for the Laughs: Dan Quayle says he’s running for president. “Quayle received congratulatory telegrams from Jay Leno, David Letterman and Bill Maher.” (the Daily Scoop)

Dan-ial: Presidential candidate Dan Quayle says he’s never committed adultery. “Once again, he’s no Jack Kennedy.” (the Daily Scoop)

More Quayling: In order for Quayle to run for president, he has to leave the family newspaper business. “Which puts the family in a bind because they only have until Monday now to get somebody else to deliver the papers on his route.” (Jay Leno)

Survey Says: After his State of the Union address, President Clinton’s approval rating went up five points to his all-time high of 76%. “This is significant because this is the first time Clinton has gone up in the polls without committing adultery first.” (Leno)

It’s a Cinch: The Navy will accept high school dropouts. “It’s adopting a new slogan: ‘We’re looking for a few good men . . . with pulses.’ ” (Paul Steinberg)

Line of Succession: King Hussein and Queen Noor of Jordan are grooming their son Hamzah to take over the throne. “The grooming has already begun. Sources say that around the house, Hamzah is known as Heir Jordan.” (George Kiseda)

Good Idea: Dennis Rodman may be retiring from basketball, but it’s not official. “He wants to leave the door open in case the WNBA comes calling.” (Ira Lawson)

How Fitting: Dennis Rodman is retiring . . . maybe . . . or not really . . . or not at all. “He’ll discuss it with his wife, who he may be married to, or not really, or not at all.” (the Daily Scoop)

Shifting Gears: Pfizer, maker of Viagra, says sales of the drug are higher than ever. “In a related story, sales of little red sports cars are down 800%.” (Steve Voldseth)

Medical Setback: Researchers now say they’re ready to transfer a pig’s heart into a human. “Here’s the tough part: finding a pig with an HMO that’ll pay for it.” (Voldseth)

Udder Truth: According to a London paper, Mick Jagger claims his marriage to Jerry Hall, performed in Bali, was never legal. “What, did the cow witness turn out not to be a reincarnated notary after all?” (Voldseth)

Ticket to Ride: In Indiana, police arrested a man for driving to work drunk on his lawn mower. “When police told him it was inappropriate to drive a lawn mower to work, the man said, ‘That’s right, it’s winter--I should be on my Zamboni.’ ” (Conan O’Brien)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.