LAUGH LINES

Truth, Justice and the American Way: Accused Symbionese Liberation Army fugitive Kathleen Soliah was freed on $1 million bail raised by her friends. “Soliah said she wasn’t surprised by the outpouring of support, because if you can’t trust the people you’ve lied to about your past for 23 years, who can you trust?” (Dennis Miller)

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The Essential

David Letterman

Signs the ghosts in your house don’t give a damn:

10. There’s a Post-It on freezer that reads “boo.”

8. When you’re away, ghosts answer phone, take messages--don’t give them to you.

7. Mysterious voice tells you to, “Get out now . . . or don’t . . . it’s really up to you.”

6. They give you tape of “The Shining” to watch while they summer in Hamptons.

4. Spirit asks if he can use you as a reference for job interview at Disneyland.

3. Only thing they can think of is to ring your doorbell and run away.

2. The only things they make disappear are the bottles of Bud in your refrigerator.

1. Always the same excuse: “We don’t have to do anything, we’re dead.”

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