LAUGH LINES
On the Campaign Trail: In a speech last week, Al Gore officially declared his candidacy for president. “Part of the speech was in Spanish, part of it English. He’s the first candidate ever to put a crowd to sleep in two languages.” (David Letterman)
No Fare: A man rode on the New York subway for hours before fellow passengers realized he was dead. “The dead guy on the subway has been very busy. Earlier today he endorsed Al Gore for president.” (Letterman)
Back to the Campaign Trail: George W. Bush says he believes in a Republican Party that stresses compassionate conservatism. “What exactly does that mean? Making the streets safer before you kick people out on them?” (Dennis Miller)
Changing Channels: Britney Spears appeared on an ABC special in a dress so see-through the show had to be edited. “The dress was incredibly revealing. Apparently you could see both breasts and her plastic surgeon.” (Conan O’Brien)
On the Business Beat: Cereal maker Kellogg announced plans to downsize its historic Battle Creek, Mich., plant. “In addition to eliminating two-thirds of the jobs, Cap’n Crunch will be demoted to Ensign Crunch.” (Steve Voldseth)
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