LAUGH LINES

On the Campaign Trail: A key aide in Dan Quayle’s presidential campaign resigned after it became known he was involved in a love triangle. “Apparently, when Quayle found out about the love triangle, he wanted to know the names of the other four people involved.” (Conan O’Brien)

On the Mend: Doctors took it as a positive sign that Stephen King was asking about a Boston Red Sox game when he came out of surgery following his accident. “They also took it as a positive sign that while he was in the recovery room, he wrote four novels, two short stories and another miniseries.” (Jay Leno)

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The Essential

David Letterman

Least inspirational things a coach can say at halftime:

10. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to leave now to beat the traffic.”

9. “They may have the talent, size and athleticism--but we got headbands!”

5. “Enough strategy, let me tell you about my Amway products.”

4. “So when you get the, uh, you know, the round thing, the, uh, ball . . .”

3. “It’s not over until . . . ah, who am I kidding, it’s over.”

1. “Go out there and win one for ‘The Gifford.’ ”

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.