Golfspeak 101: A Primer for the Masses

With titanium club heads, graphite shafts and spring-like effects, it’s no secret that golf technology is rapidly changing.

Not to be outdone, the language of the game has also evolved. An infusion of young players has introduced slang into the once stodgy vernacular of golf.

To help you talk your way around the course using modern-day golfspeak, here’s a guide to hip links lingo:

The Big Tour--The PGA Tour. Also known as the Big Boys’ Tour. Professional golfers can play mini-tours. These are the minor leagues of professional golf and can be found across the nation. The triple-A of golf is the Nike Tour, on which a player can automatically qualify for the Big Tour by finishing in the top 15 money winners.

Example: You and I probably have a better chance of hitting the lottery than we do of playing on the Big Tour.

Track--Golf course.

Example: “Boy, this is a tough track.”

The number--The score it takes to make the cut. However, this is not referred to in actual scores. It is referred to in number of strokes in relation to par. It can be confusing sometimes, because if the number is low--say, one or two--it’s hard to distinguish whether that means under par or over par.

But the players in tournaments that have cuts understand. That’s why they are in those tournaments.

Example: “Hey, what’s the number?” “It’s four.” “Did you make it?” “Right on the number, baby!”

Mickey Mouse--Anything intended to be innovative or original that turns into a gimmick. This is applied most often to equipment and courses.

Example: “That course is Mickey Mouse. With all those steep hills, it looks more like a ski resort than a golf course.”

Grinding--Working excessively hard to make par without reaching the green in regulation; getting out of trouble.

Example: “I just kept grinding and grinding until I started hitting better shots.”

Good stick--A good golfer. Golf clubs are commonly called sticks. A good player is one who swings his sticks well.

Example: “That Mark O’Meara is a good stick.”

A lot of game--The ability to hit any shot. Need a 280-yard drive down the middle with a slight left-to-right fade? Need a low, running three-iron punch shot with a draw to get out of the trees? Need a winding, downhill 18-foot birdie putt? No problem, if you have a lot of game.

Example: “That Peter Yoon sure wishes he had a lot of game.”

A million--A high score. For top players, this usually means anything over 75. For everyone else, it’s anything over 90.

Example: “I shot a million today, two more strokes and I shoot a million and a half.”

Snowman--An eight on your scorecard. Derived from the numeral’s resemblance to Frosty (8).

Example: “If you miss the green, there’s a good chance you’ll go in the water and if you go in there, you’ll be staring a snowman in the face.”

Rock--Ball. Also common in sports other than golf.

Example: “I was stroking the rock pretty good today.”

Cellophane bridge--The imaginary covering over a hole that prevents seemingly good putts from going in.

Example: “My putts kept crossing the cellophane bridge.”

Pure--The best it can be. This term can be applied to anything in golf: clubs, courses, clothes, green conditions, but is usually associated with shots that hit the center of the sweet spot upon contact. It is routinely modified as a verb, pured.

Example: “We were playing that pure track down south and I pured a three-wood from 240 yards and reached the green in two. Then I pured my putt and the greens were so pure it rolled straight into the cup for eagle. That was pure!”

Trunk slammer--When a player doesn’t make the cut in a tournament, he will throw his clubs into the trunk of his car, slam it shut and burn rubber out of the parking lot.

Example: “Hey, what did you shoot today?” “Trunk slammer.” Screeeeeech.

Lateral--A bad shot that goes sideways. Some call this a shank, but using that term has become a faux pas on the golf scene.

Example: “I was 150 yards out and I hit a lateral and ended up with a double bogey.”

Throw up--To blow a lead in the late stages of a tournament. This used to be called choking.

Example: “I had a four-stroke lead with three holes to play, then I threw up all over myself and lost by a stroke.”

Chop--Anyone who plays golf, but is not familiar with all of the aforementioned terms.

Example: A chop is neither a good stick nor has a lot of game. A chop struggles, he doesn’t grind. A chop never throws up because he is never in contention. A chop hits a lot of laterals and makes several snowmen per round.