AND THE BEAT GOES ON IN . . . LOSS ANGELES

The chant once filled arenas and ballparks in every two-bit town across this great jealous country, a war cry for them, a badge of honor for us.

It has since disappeared, along with our downtown parades, fresh banners and bragging rights.

The hicks don’t chant it anymore, because now we’re the hicks, so what’s the use?

“BEAT L.A. . . . Beat L.A. . . . Beat l.a. . . . beat l.a. . . . “

*

As the Lakers waded off the Forum floor through heaping scraps of promise Sunday, it became painfully obvious.

The Los Angeles major professional sports market has crashed.

We are in the middle of a big-time, record-setting, fireball-throwing, slam-dunking, high-sticking, cliche-inspiring depression.

(And don’t anybody try to tell us about a New Deal, OK? What with Mike Piazza and Eddie Jones, we’ve had enough new deals.)

None of our professional teams has won a world championship in nearly 11 years, the longest such drought since major professional sports came here with the Los Angeles Rams in 1946.

Only four of our professional teams have even qualified to play for a championship during those 11 years, at which point members of those squads promptly split their pants.

In 1989 and 1991, the Lakers advanced to the NBA title round, only to go 1-8 in those two series. Judging by what happened here last week, those qualify as the good old days.

In 1993, the Kings led the Montreal Canadiens in the Stanley Cup finals by one game and one goal until Marty McSorley was caught using an illegal stick.

The Canadiens scored on the ensuing power play, won Game 2 in overtime, won the next three games for the title, and the Kings haven’t won a playoff game since.

Boston has “the curse of the Bambino.” We are stuck with the curse of the . . . curved stick?

Then there was our closest call of all, the 1996 Galaxy. It completed a brilliant regular season and advanced to the MLS title game, where it led the D.C. United, 2-0, with 17:32 remaining.

But it was raining. And players on our teams hate rain as much as they hate some Hollywood dude taking five minutes to whine through the national anthem.

The Galaxy gave up three goals in 21 minutes and lost in overtime.

In baseball terms, the soccer guys blew a 10-run lead in the eighth. In basketball terms, they were swept in four games by a small town in south Texas.

“The bad thing about this is that nobody is going to remember anything about the team this year,” said Cobi Jones at the time.

No, the bad thing is, everybody will remember that team.

Because we haven’t had any come close since.

Look for a new chant any day now.

“Sweep L.A. . . . Sweep L.A. . . . “

The last two playoff appearances each by the Lakers, Dodgers and Mighty Ducks have ended in sweeps. The last King playoff appearance also ended in a sweep.

Our teams are good enough to stay in most races until the final minutes. Then, inexplicably, they punch out.

This has happened so regularly, the rest of the country now takes it for granted. We are the city of traffic, tans and losers.

The most telling thing about the Lakers’ four consecutive losses to the San Antonio Spurs was that, when announcing it throughout Sunday evening, not one national radio or TV commentator sounded surprised.

It was mentioned in the same breath, and with the same tones, as the Indiana Pacers’ four-game sweep of the Philadelphia 76ers.

Of course, it is unfair to put us in the same category as Philadelphia. At least that town has put a team in the Stanley Cup finals and the World Series in the last 11 years.

Anymore, it is unfair to lump us with almost anybody.

During the time we have won no championships, ticker tape has swirled in such booming metropolises as Calgary, Pittsburgh, Green Bay, Oakland and Cincinnati.

It has also fallen in cities our size. New York has won with its Yankees, Giants, and Rangers. Chicago has won with its Bulls and soccer’s Fire.

And in case we think it is just an apathetic-sunny-sports-town thing, neighboring San Diego has been in a World Series and a Super Bowl during this time.

The 11 years of failure have not only dominated the landscape, they have changed it.

This town no longer cheers for teams as much as it cheers for tradition. Judging from recent responses to a proposed move downtown by the Dodgers, nothing in this town is as popular as Dodger Stadium.

This town also no longer cheers for players or coaches as much as it cheers for announcers. The most famous sports celebrity is Vin Scully. Second is Chick Hearn.

And our most talked-about pro sports moments? They no longer include ninth-inning home runs and fist pumps. Instead, the old-timers talk about Kobe Bryant’s last-second airballs . . . the Dodgers’ final series collapse against the San Diego Padres . . . Ron Wilson’s firing.

What has happened to our pro sports teams that hasn’t happened in other places? What has happened that hasn’t happened to UCLA’s national championship basketball and soccer teams?

What has happened in these 11 years that hasn’t happened during the days when Tom Lasorda and Showtime ruled the Earth?

It is difficult to find any common ground among teams that play vastly different sports run by vastly different ownership groups while playing in venues that are miles apart.

But in keeping with the current trend, we’ll throw up three 30-footers anyway, to see if something sticks:

* This is a town of stars.

Fans here love them more than in any other city.

Owners here know it, so they spend more money on them than in any other city.

But other than Michael Jordan, stars don’t win championships.

Role players do. Veteran leaders do. Toughness does.

Our owners still don’t understand that.

The New York Yankees, who apparently understand it, built arguably the best team in baseball history last year without one true superstar.

That will not happen here until our owners are willing to pay as much money for a left-handed middle reliever as an average power-hitting outfielder.

Or pay as much for a physical power forward as for an exciting small forward.

So far, they haven’t. They don’t think fans in this distraction-filled market will buy it.

They are convinced that fans here would rather have glitz than chemistry, big names instead of little heroes, a flashy rookie instead of a veteran leader.

Kevin Malone built his Dodgers around Kevin Brown and the glamorous starting pitchers, while failing to acquire the gritty middle relievers who could have helped them avoid this dreary start.

It didn’t matter as much in previous decades, when there wasn’t as much player movement and there weren’t as many expensive toys for sale.

The Dodgers and Lakers were allowed to grow together, by fans, management and the media, because there did not exist an easily bought answer to their problems.

But these days, owners think they can fix their teams the way their producer acquaintances can fix their movies--by simply hiring a star.

And as long as Hollywood-touched fans cheer louder for Dennis Rodman than Derek Fisher or Derek Harper, nothing will change.

* This is a town of softies.

So the owner and general managers and players here fail.

So what?

They can still walk to the end of their driveways to pick up their newspapers in the morning without mean stares from neighbors.

They can still live without hassle and work without public retribution.

Unlike in many eastern cities where the failure of a sports executive is considered as heinous as the failure of a snowplow, there is little outside pressure to succeed.

The average fan here--probably the most level-headed fan in the country--shrugs. It’s only a game.

Unlike other places, if the team is doing badly, they don’t show up and jeer and make the players’ lives miserable. They just don’t show up.

As those games become more and more embarrassing to those touched by them, this is slowly changing.

Fans are booing quicker than ever--remember Dodger Stadium, opening day?--and the media here are also changing their reputation for softness.

Yet for now, at the final buzzer, the bottom line is still the same.

While an NBA owner like Pat Croce is accountable to the entire city of Philadelphia, Jerry Buss feels only the need to please Jerry Buss.

* This is a town of sun.

Many athletes go to places like Detroit or Chicago to work.

Many athletes come here to retire, make movies, hang out with their families, chill.

It’s not just the weather, it’s the proximity to the entertainment industry, and to so many athletes’ old neighborhoods.

Because the Southland produces so many professional athletes in all sports, we lead all leagues in having local guys spending a couple of distracted seasons here before leaving town to help someone else compete for a championship.

Darryl Strawberry and Eric Davis are two who come quickly to mind.

This is where you come to make your name, to please your family, to have fun, which is usually good enough to keep your team competitive until the playoffs.

At which point, at the first sign of difficulty you surrender and head for the beach, where nobody either recognizes you or wants to waste time bothering you, and you happily think, no wonder that old chant has disappeared, because you cannot beat L.A.

Bill Plaschke can be reached at his e-mail address: bill.plaschke@latimes.com.

(BEGIN TEXT OF INFOBOX / INFOGRAPHIC)

PRO SPORTS’ WINNERS AND LOSERS SINCE 1989

TITLE TOWNS

Pro sports championships since 1988 by city (NFL, NBA, NHL and Baseball)

Chicago: 6

Detroit: 4

New York: 4

Dallas: 3

Denver: 3

San Francisco: 3

Houston: 2

Pittsburgh: 2

Toronto: 2

Atlanta: 1

Calgary: 1

Cincinnati: 1

East Rutherford, N.J.: 1

Edmonton: 1

Green Bay: 1

Miami: 1

Minneapolis: 1

Montreal: 1

Oakland: 1

Washington D.C.: 1

Los Angeles: 0

****

DROUGHT IN THE SOUTHLAND

Regular-season and playoff winning percentages for area teams in the major sports since 1989. Raiders and Rams left after the 1994 season:

LAKERS

Season: .615

Playoffs: .481

(9 appearances)

*

CLIPPERS

Season: .358

Playoffs: .308

(3 appearances)

*

DODGERS

Season: .514

Playoffs: .000

(2 appearances)

*

ANGELS

Season: .489

Playoffs: .000

(0 appearances)

*

KINGS

Season: .475

Playoffs: .446

(5 appearances)

*

DUCKS

Season: .455

Playoffs: .267

(2 appearances)

*

RAIDERS

Season: .573

Playoffs: .400

(3 appearances)

*

RAMS

Season: .354

Playoffs: .667

(1 appearance)