His Interest in This Series Would Be Nil

Bob Kravitz writing in the Rocky Mountain News: “I’ve seen [NHL Commissioner] Gary Bettman’s nightmare. And it looks like this:

“The Dallas Stars vs. the Buffalo Sabres in the Stanley Cup Finals. It would be World Cup soccer on ice. One-nil, one-nil, one-nil, one-nil. Except without the fans rioting.

“Forget showing it on Fox. They might as well show the thing on the Food Network.”

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Trivia time: What do the Canton Crocodiles, Dubois County Dragons, Evansville Otters, London Werewolves and Richmond Roosters have in common?

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Prediction: Boston Celtic Coach Rick Pitino on the NBA playoffs: “I felt before the season started that Indiana would win it all, and I haven’t changed my mind.

“I think the Pacers have the best 10-man team in basketball and depth is the key factor. No matter who they play out of that top 10, there is almost no drop-off.”

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Poor soul: Bud Geracie in the San Jose Mercury News: “It’s getting hard not to root for Knick Coach Jeff Van Gundy, a little man with thinning hair, bad skin tone, eyeballs that look ready to fall out of his head and a job that’s on the line.”

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Please, not that: Rick Reilly of Sports Illustrated says that to really irritate an opponent, you need some up-to-date curses, such as:

“May your living room, with your priceless antique Waterford crystal collection, be the site of the next DeBartolo family reunion.

“May you be trapped on a Ferris wheel with George Will and his new 1,000-page book, ‘Essays on the Balk.’ ”

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Aversion to spotlight: Mark McGwire of the St. Louis Cardinals, reflecting on his record-breaking 70 home-run season in 1998:

“Nothing can be any worse than what I went through the last two months of the season. I don’t think there ever has been another athlete to be singled out like I was.”

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No doubts: Jose Canseco of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, talking to Hubert Mizell of the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times about his confidence at the plate:

“Once the guy delivers, he’s no longer a factor. It’s me against the baseball. In my 15th season, I’m probably better, smarter and more consistent than ever. My hands have gotten quicker.”

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FYI: The NBA playoff record for three-point field-goal attempts in a game is 63--by the Seattle SuperSonics (33) and Phoenix Suns (30) on May 1, 1997, in overtime.

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Trivia answer: They are members of baseball’s independent Frontier League.

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And finally: Sam Smith of the Chicago Tribune writes that Phil Jackson would be the perfect coach for the Lakers because he would be respected by Shaquille O’Neal and Kobe Bryant.

“O’Neal would play defense, Kobe would learn to play basketball. Because they were prodigies, they were coddled.

“Bryant is a bright kid willing to learn. But someone has to teach him. It’s what Jackson is uniquely qualified to do in the NBA today.”