The Speech Was a Lot to Swallow

If Hollywood community activist Joe Shea ever taught a class on public speaking, one of his first rules would be: Don’t try it with a loose front tooth. He spoke in such a condition before the City Council the other day. And during his presentation, he swallowed his tooth. Nothing like that Alfred E. Neuman look to impress an audience.

PARDON MY FRENCH: Hazel and Wally Boyle of Brentwood saw a Thanksgiving ad in an unknown language (see accompanying).

TALK ABOUT A SHORTAGE: Dale Johnson of Fontana tried to make a mail order purchase but found the company was out of just about everything--and I mean everything (see accompanying).

REAL LONG-DISTANCE CALLS: Mention was made of the growing incidence of people talking on cell phones at graveside services in Southern California. Val Rodriguez of Signal Hall sent me a USA Today newspaper story about startled mourners who “fled when a mobile phone went off from inside a grave at a cemetery in western Poland.” Authorities said the device had been interred along with its owner the previous day.

Yeah, good luck convincing the phone company of that when the bill’s due.

WHILE WE’RE ON THE SUBJECT: On a visit to North Carolina, Cary Abul-Haj of Palos Verdes Estates found that, contrary to the old saying, you can apparently take it with you (see photo).

BRIDGE, REVISITED: Several readers pointed out that I was incorrect when I said that the Vincent Thomas Bridge had always been free to motorists heading toward Long Beach.

Actually, a couple of decades ago, the fare was 25 cents each way. Then, as William Downs of Rancho Palos Verdes recalled, “the state decided it was too costly to staff toll booths in both directions and began charging 50 cents one way in order to retain approximately the same revenue.”

And that’s when it became true that you had to pay to enter L.A. on the bridge but if you were heading toward Long Beach the way was free.

FREEWAY TO FAME? In Robert Ferrigno’s murder mystery “Dead Silent,” which is set in Orange County, a would-be actress named Alison drives to a meeting with a Hollywood honcho only to be stood up. She laments how trying to get her big break is draining her pride--and her gas tank.

“You think I’m happy carting my portfolio around to every production company in L.A., buttering up middle-aged talent coordinators with grabby hands?” she says. “You think I like driving the 91 Freeway after midnight in that piece of [junk] car sounding like it’s ready to throw a rod?”

miscelLAny:

In “The Howls of Justice,” co-author Harry Shafer recalled that in 1982, when he was a Superior Court judge, he asked a captain in the Sheriff’s Department:

“How come you provided me with only two deputies when I received a death threat, and I counted eight deputies surrounding Farrah Fawcett during her divorce trial with Lee Majors?”

The captain replied: “I only assigned two then too. The other six were volunteers.”