Chris Dufresne’s Top 25

1. Florida State (5-0): Warrick could be first to lose Heisman in a department store checkout line.

2. Penn State (5-0): If Rankman leaves now, he can get to Happy Valley in time for game against Michigan Nov. 13.

3. Michigan (5-0): Michigan players embarrassed they only ripped off a Kmart.

4. Nebraska (5-0): Mug shot of F. Solich finally removed from Lincoln post office wall.

5. Florida (4-1) Spurrier sends Florida State a list of great places to shop in Gainesville.

6. Tennessee (3-1): Volunteers order the words “tutor” and “hayseed” stricken from textbooks.

7. Georgia Tech (3-1): Please have Hamilton step up on a stool and accept his Heisman now.

8. Virginia Tech (4-0): Team prepares for stiff Rutgers by reviewing ’98 nightmare loss to Temple.

9. Georgia (4-0): Two one-point wins have Bulldogs hanging on by skin of their peach.

10. Michigan State (5-0): Wide receiver Plaxico Burress’ name added to state’s DMV eye-chart test.

11. Kansas State (4-0): A really, really nice win at Texas. OK, that’s one.

12. Marshall (5-0): Rankman takes a bow for having Herd ranked from Day 1.

13. Alabama (4-1): Maybe every coach needs a juicy scandal to get things kick-started.

14. East Carolina (5-0): Neither Hurricane Floyd nor Army a match for Pirates.

15. Mississippi State (5-0): No. 2 in total defense, but Rankman still not going to Starkville.

16. Texas A&M; (3-1): Team blames horrific loss at Lubbock on the curse of Buddy Holly.

17. Miami (2-2): Hurricanes try to entice Florida State shoppers with Bernie Kosar memorabilia.

18. Texas (4-2): Longhorns a tall, cool drink and a year away from contending.

19. Purdue (4-1): Six days after Michigan defeat, Drew Brees emerges from shower.

20. Wisconsin (3-2): Cheese commission opens inquiry into loss to Cincinnati.

21. Ohio State (3-2): Wonder if Cooper checked the fine print of that new contract.

22. Syracuse (4-1): Missed Thursday night game; out shopping with Warrick and Coles.

23. Brigham Young (3-1): AD takes credibility hit for scheduling Washington and Cal in the same season.

24. Minnesota (4-0): No truth to rumor that basketball tutor wrote the Gophers’ easy-A nonconference schedule.

25. USC (3-1): Spot paid for by “Friends Of Tommy Trojan.”